i'm fine fine fine

and then

your face pops into my head

or i feel a phantom touch from you on my forearm from happier days long gone,

and it's all i can do to not squeeze myself into a ball,

my chest tightens

and my breath quickens

and i forget that minutes prior i had been happy and content.

but luckily

these moments are happening less often

and they are easier to forget about

and all it takes is a smile or a laugh from someone nearby

to remind me that you do not equal happiness.