you touch me so gently sometimes i want to scream and remind you i'm not as fragile as you think but then the next second your hands are squeezing, rough and tight around my neck as you push open my legs to make room for you and i feel more at home, more at ease, this is how i live my every day, not knowing how i can take my next breath or if i even really want to try.

i wake up early in the morning and you're as far from me as you can be without falling into that space between the bed and the wall.

i feel dirty and used

but then i remember it's me that's using you. right?

i spoon you from behind and drift back to sleep, i've given up again.