i swear i can't handle this anymore no matter how ahrd i try i can't try anymore. I just sonny would just listen up and realize that i love him and that w/e happened before was the biggest mistake i have ever made in my whole life but he always throws it up in my face its like why be with me if that what youa re gonna do instead of making the relationship better. Like last night i took the bus home casue he wasn't at my work and i didn't want to wait so i left yeah i guess i could have waited longer like i always do but come on be on time we he claims he was there at 10 well if he was he would have seem me walking down the parking lot to mcphillips and that was around 10 or 15 afer 10 but he says i got a ride its like think what you want sonny who the fuck would i get a ride from i don't know anybody at work that would drive me he shouls know that now hes not talking to me what the fuck is that you know to have a healthy relationship is to talk about it to work it out or around it but he never ever wants to its like i got the info on the coucelling that he finally agreed to go through with me i wonder if he will still come with me if he really loves me and cares for me then this realtionship is worth saving before it gets even worse then it already is. even though im with sonny every day and night i miss him i miss his hugs his kisses his laughter his everything i hate the fact that half the time we caan't get along i wish i could go back in time and start at the begining where we were so happy and we did so much together. i jsut wish he could see that i love him with every inch of my heart fuck man i even wonder if he even loves me he doesn't even look at me you would think i would be all dried out of my tears but im not casue all i pray for is to be happy again and when ever sonny and i look into each others eyes we would fall in love all over again. Its like i don't diserve him he diserves somone who can give him the happiest time of his life and be there yeah im like that but im so confussed are we ment for each other in my book we are but what about his i wish i knew how he felt for me does he love me or does he want me or need me. i wish i knew i hope he knows i love him so much adn that will never ever go aways to me hes my everything my night my rose my love