Im listening to tracy chapman and it just makes me remember when i lived with me dad and we would listen to he songs and cry cause they had so many meanings that could relate to us in ways, With my mom deing and not having her here anymore, just me and my dad left. Which didn't even go all that good becasue all he did was drink and be abusive. Sometimes i wish what if he wasn;t like that we would be happy and be fine. I wouldn't have to gorw up in group homes or foster homes. I do blame him for not being there, not fighting for me back. He realy let me down. My mom would not be happy. But if life was good i wouldn't have met sonny and that wouldn't be the same not having him with me. Life really dealt me a shitty hand to deal with. But i guess all the matters is that im still here and going. Things are going good for me. But i still think that life could have been way better then what it is right now. I just think my life souldn't have been like this. Like that song says at this point in my life. But in ways i beleve that and ways i don't casue my life should be way better then this. When i was a child i was happy my family was together even though there was problems i just wish that me life had my mom in it that would have made life so much easier. But i guess that life wasn't ment for me to live no matter how much i want it to be. Yeah i am happy now i just want to be happier if that is possible i guess that sounds corny but this is my diary i can say anything corny. But in my heat as well its not corny. I use to want to die and be with my mom but its not my time and i know she will be waiting for when it is. My journy isn't over. I just hope sonny and i will last forever and be happy casue he is my heart and soul even though lifes is really tough right now. But you never know it just may get better and things will go the way we want them to.