I don't know if i want to call it falling out of love. But it just what i feel. This may not make any sece casue i love him with all my heart but i don't think it the type of love that i want to have. YEah we have the good and bad times. BUt mostly all it is is bad shit. I just want to be happy with my life. I think im just a really confussed girl. Im just gonna let it take its course and if its ment to be then we will last if its not then thats the way its suppsoe to be. Its like i have fallen and i can't get up and im stck stuck in this life. Life what a life that was given to me. Yeah i still dweal over what has happened in my life. All i want right now is to enjoy my life and be happy and right now i may seem happy but deep deep down i don't feel happy. I just need somthing good to happen to me. well one thing did i have agood job but i want to be able to smile from someone makeing me smile. Someone to take care of me and love me and cherish me for ever. And im not sure if im getting that from this realionship. This is such a hard life a hard situation just hard everything. This diary is my only way to get my feelings out where bo body gets mad at me. and i can say what ever i want. I jsut wish the one person i did care about woudl realize that i would like to have him there to talk to about thing weather its bad or good. But all i can do is dream. Dreams and wishes thats all my life is .