ahh!..damn i am having htis feeling again...i am doubting love...i guess some things can never be fixed.....and james is so i dunno...i dunno whats wrong with us.......its just doesnt seem right, our relship, and i dunno, i still feel like he doesnt care about us, or really love me.....he told me once that he is doubting me if i really love him and yes i told him that i love him, cuz that is how i feel...still i have a feeling that maybe he himself doesnt love me for real...... i am sad...tho i shudnt have a reason to be....l like james, he wants to do what is "right" or good...and he would put that first before anything...he is so fu*king egocentric, but htat is okay, cuz somehow, we are the same....only a little...i almost hate it that he loved shani (his ex) so much...and how i keep on comparing myself to her, though i know we are so different in every way....and i am sad that sumhow, i think james doesnt really love me, and i am scared to realized that maybe this love isnt really geniuine, and i am tricked by my own weakness, that i trust to much on humanity and LOVE..and then that feeling of betrayal....ahh how i hate it.... it seems im at the losing end....but at least i can love as much as i want....and right now...though i doubt LOVE, i will still love, cuz that is all there is about it....at least maybe i can make somehting out of nothign and quit making holes in the air.... james will never understand me....that is for sure....but he's so sweet, i like spending time with him.....