fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck does venting in an online journal even work? so far doesnt really seem like it. fuck fuck fuck fuck yeah i dont know. i guess this could partly be my fault? for being so confident in myself? my feelings? do i give up now? fuck. do i keep chasing her? do i even deserve her? i think i might. but i hate being so unsure of everything. would anything be different if my accident never fucked everything up? fuck you ruptured spleen. i fucking hate you. im glad your not in my body anymore. wouldve prom been all i had hoped it would be? and mr. aztec? i cant help but feel like i totally got fucking gyped of everything for no good reason. after all that its still hard to believe that maybe it would have been worse if everything "worked out". could it be any worse? right now it doesnt feel like it. fuck. dont expect to understand this. my mind wanders.. but always seems to find its way back to you.. am i dead? or just not alive..?