ok. this is really...different. i apologize in advance to all of you who might be offended by this or just plain confused by it. this is what happens when me and eddie decide to right a story... Never Put Your Finger in A Pencil Sharpener Or You Might Get Laid by Dennis by paul and eddie once upon a time, there were some pirates named Finnigan, Ben Cambell, and Marci Perkins. they got kicked off their pirate ship, the U.S.S. Tabernacle, because they were all past their swash-buckling prime. to make up for their lack of pirating, finnigan, ben, and ms. perkins decided to join the circus. you see, all the new circus employees start at the bottom of the circus ladder, and slowly climb the rungs. the pirates started off just cleaning the elephant cages and guessing peoples weight. after a few fortnights, the circus manager, Mr. F. P. Plotz, began to notice the pirates' natural talent of swashbuckling. after many nights of deep thought, cheap prostitutes, and hard liquor, Mr. plotz decided to give the pirates their own part in the circus show, under the headline "The Amazing Swashbuckling Feats and Accomplishments of Finnigan, Ben Cambell, and Marci Perkins, with the help of Tony the Parrot". the pirates started getting all the attention, making the midgets and the one-eyed seven-toed bearded lady jealous. the bearded lady with seven toes approached finnigan one day after a long show, and tried to throw down. now, you see, finnigan was a fairly muscular fellow, mostly because he had scrubbed the poop deck for many years. of the three pirates, finnigan was the best at guessing people weight, and made enough money in tips that he could buy himself some bling and some ice for his neck. ok back to the fight. harsh words were spoken, about finnigans mother, toothpicks, and waffle irons. after about 8 minutes of quarelling, finnigan got on his celly and shouted at his krew fo some backup. needless to say, ish went down. marci perkins would never swashbuckle again, and the one-eyed seven toed bearded lady became the one-eyed twelve-toed not so bearded lady. the pirates were sadly kicked out of the circus, and proceeded on to dennys. depressed and hungry, they spent the last of their days busing tables for minimum wage and an occasional bushel of apples. so when it comes down to it, the moral of this story is that there really isnt anything wrong with guessing peoples wieght at the circus for a living, dont use a blow dryer when your taking a bath, dont feed the bears, and dont look them in the eyes either. holy crap. im sorry. if you read that entire thing i applaud you.