One of my friends (I'll call him Ben, that's not his real name) got arrested a couple months ago for trespassing. He's 17 and was high at the time. Any charges were dropped, but he has to do random piss testing for seven months (for marijuana and alcohol). He went out with his other friend one night and decided to smoke, which was just an idiotic idea. Together, they smoked fourteen grams, with Ben most likely using up more than half. The very next day, he had to take a piss test. The place monitors it very well...they test temperature so they know it's fresh, and there's a man in there watching the person pee. On his piss test, Ben peed for the first time since smoking over seven grams, and it was surely THC-laden. The test came out negative. On another "Ben" story, I'll start by saying that, after the action happened, the guy said, quote, "Oh shit. Shit...Shit. SHIT!" In fact, "shit" was the only word he said for about thirty seconds. Ben had to contain his laughter as he left. In the bathroom at the movies today, the guy right next to him was talking on his cell phone while peeing. Both of his hands were aiding the peeing, while he held the phone between his cheek and shoulder. All of a sudden, the guy drops his phone into the urinal, and proceeds to piss all over his own phone. He's unable to stop his flow, and thus continues peeing all over his own phone. Worst movie visit ever: Not only does he pee on his own phone, he has to conciously think, "right now, I am peeing on my phone and I am not stopping myself from peeing on my phone." An exchange in science class: "Teacher, Ryan is threatening my life!" "They're not threats, they're promises!" Yesterday while driving on the highway, I spotted a car with a Brazil bumper sticker. I have a France bumper sticker on my car, so I figured this might cause some strife, as France defeated Brazil in the 1998 World Cup. So as I drive by this guy, I catch a glance of him, and I burst out into laughter. He has a very large beer belly, and he is using it as a makeshift tray. He has a plate of rice and chicken on top of it, and is eating from the plate maybe six or seven inches from his face. His hands are not on the steering while, nor is he looking at the road. It was as if this very fat man with a beard were sitting at a dinner table, just eating food, except that he happened to be sitting in the drivers seat of a car going 70. I have no idea how he didn't crash. My current google ads at the top of this page: Fishy Vaginal Odor? "How To Smell Fresh At All Times" 68,000 Women Already Know Powerful Septic Treatment EPA approved, bio-friendly powder. Cleans Sludge & Eliminate Pump-Outs Okay, one more: Ben was with his friend, we'll call him Jay. They were super high (this is usually a theme with Ben) and they went to taco bell to satisfy their munchies. They order a ton of food, naturally. Here is what they said: Ben: "Dude, don't forget two ice waters for the bong." Jay: [into the box] "Oh, we'll also have two ice waters for the bong." Employee: "What was that?" Ben: "Dude, don't say that!" Jay: "Oh, sorry. We'll have two ice waters for the bong...PLEASE."