Today.. i dono I just friggin broke down. I never broke down like this. Its just for like the past year I have been holding in a lot of things, and not talking about it or letting out my feelings on anything and today it just blew up on me. I was on a friggin emotional roller coaster! lmfao. well my friend runnin' just kinda put me over the edge, and everything that has hurt me, i ignored and today it just came out. But today i really saw who cared about me when i was breaking down. The first person who was there for me right away was JQ (jaquese .. I think thats how you spell his name). He made me laugh, and even though he had no idea what i was goin through, he made me smile. and Brittany, nicole, earl, alysa, tessy, nathanal, taja, n jahvantae were all there tryin to make me happy -in there own little ways-. But i cant beleive that I just exploded like that. This morning I was fine.. I was going about -ignoring my feelings like always- but then i got to gym and i was by myself sittin there in this huge EMPTY gym thinkin. Then I dono I just started cryin. then all the guys came in and they say me and I was tryin to stop, but i couldnt and then all these guys who i didnt know where around me tryin to get me to smile! Like they were like "what if i hit this damn fool hittin on you.. would that make you stop?" lmfao i was laughin.. then i said "yes hit him." haha.. he deserved to be hit. LOL.. then the guys came out that i knew and they got em away and they were all by me talkin tryin to get my mind off things.. then my gurls came out then i had this huge group around me!! Then my gym teacher (who didnt notice that i was having a moment there) put me on the spot and embaressed me in front of the whole class. then he saw i was leakin from my eyes and thought it was because of what he said! lol.. i played it out for like a second that it was cuz of him just cuz i still got a sense of humor.. i cant take it if people make fun of me or w.e.. but i was in a lil mood and i decided to make him feel bad so he wouldnt do it again cuz he always decides to get me when i am feeling low.. that doesnt help a persons self esteem there lol. but then he thought seriously that he made me cry.. but then i told him i was just playin..that he didnt make me cry but i just wanted to make him feel bad lmfao.. i am evil like that. But my eyes were all red for the rest of the day and everyone could tell that i was cryin. and some people sed smokin.. but wth? i dont do drugs and i never gonna either.. so then in all of my classes everyone was all askin me "what happend?" "Boyfriend leave you?" "pregnet?" "Family member die?" "bad grade?" "people pickin on you?" "did you get jumped?" "do you need a hug?" llmfao.. someone asked me if i didnt huged enough as a child.. i was like WTF? haha but yes.. i am cool now.. and tommarrow i am gonna tell my teacher that i talked to someone about this..even though i am not gonna talk to anyone about it.. ill just type about it and i will fell better.. cry a lil bit each day.. but ill tell everyone that im okay... but what i wont say is that im pretending.. and deep inside theres pain never-ending. this little poem thing right here^^i wrote :) they always say you write best from your pain.