i miss my sit diary. i miss my friends. or having friends. i feel lonely, and terrible, and unwanted. i feel like a bad friend. maybe this just happens when people go away. you lose touch. and maybe i should get over that. but i would rather write letters than have no where to go when i dont want to be home. you know? the thing i hate about friends is that they are not consistant. and its too hard to lose them. with every friend that goes, a part of me goes with them. they may not feel that, and they may not care. but i want all of them to know i cared. i really really did. i was never a fake friend and i never told anyone i cared when i didnt. people change your life, and everyone is in your life for a reason, but what is the reason that no one keeps friends for very long? is it cause i've moved every five years and try not to get attached to people? is it because im tired of getting hurt, or talked about, or back stabbed? could be anything. i just want someone to be there. and someone i know will be there. someone i can run to or call whenever i need them there. i want to be there. i want to be the person someone can run to, or talk to. i want to be selfless people make bad choices, and people judge. but when you finally make good choices, your friends should still be there. and when they're not.. well, there's not much you can do about it but wait for the next group of friends to come along. i'm overwhelmed and i have so much to say about everything and no one to tell it to. i hate waking up every morning to be alone.