I had a revelation last night. Then I talked to Alice, and it all became clear. I value people more than they value me. I've reached a period in my life where, for the first time, I don't have a closest friend who considers me their closest friend. Everyone has someone else, and that's never happened to me before, so I don't know how to handle it. Also, I've realized that practically everything I hear from my friends is an insult disguised as a joke, but always based on truth. If I do something stupid, someone will call me stupid, which it would make sense to ignore if it weren't based on something that acutally happened. But if all you hear is that you're stupid and annoying and useless, you start to believe it, not because you're sensitive or over-reacting, but because you're aware that it's all based on truth. I think that everyone has their own understanding of who is ultimately important to them, but it's different for everyone, and sometimes not mutually understood, which causes problems. And at the moment, I think I'm in a rut.