In the event of a terrible, irreversible mistake being made, what can be done to recover and continue living? To live seemingly unaffected would be a lie, but it would certainly make things easier. It often happens that one is given valuable advice by a caring friend, but that advice goes unheeded, and the ungrateful friend of that friend lives hedonistically, saving the expression of the resulting grief for another day. Naturally, the advice should have been followed, and both parties knew that all along. The mistake was not in the value, or lack thereof, understood by the listener, but rather in the execution of the self-destructing acts. I've often thought that moving away would solve all of my problems, but I've more often heard that your problems are a result of personal flaws, and they follow you wherever you go. That's more easily believable, unfortunately. In order for one to improve a personal flaw, it is obvious that they must find each one, examine it specifically, and find a way to adjust it, to make life more easily livable. It does sound easy, once the theory is discovered, but I've learned that it's one of the hardest things anyone will ever do. However, it depends on the flaw. Some flaws are with you since birth, and they've always been a part of you. Those, I will almost guarantee, will never really change. Some flaws, though, are due to experiences from the past, and can be overcome with the right techniques. Until I learn those techniques, I will feel this way. I'd imagine that bettering yourself takes a certain amount of self-esteem and confidence. Until I can learn how to regard myself in high, or even average esteem, I will feel this way. Until I learn that I am worth something, I will feel this way. I hate myself because of the choices I've made. They are no one else's fault but my own. I chose to think the way I did, every time I've ever thought. No one else can accept blame for that. Hating yourself doesn't always make you a depressed bundle of suicidal-tendencies, though. I don't hide anything in everyday life, and I don't put on an especially happy facade. Everyone hates themselves a little bit, but I fear I may just a little more than is normal. It is possible to hate yourself and still function undetected in society, as I have proven. Writing helps, and I haven't in a long while. Reading always inspires me to write, just as watching a movie inspires me to be someone else. I wish I still had the French horn. I suppose I'm lacking outlets, but that, too, is my own fault.