while everyone is busy writing reflective entries about 2005, I'll just sit here and absorb it all. i don't feel like remembering last year at the moment because it was a long one, a full one, a fun one, a sad one, and a bittersweet year over all. so here's to you. happy 2006. let this year be more multifaceted than the last. snow. woohoo!

wish i could take a picture of this feel would it be the saddest photograph to be captured by your captivating eyes or hold your hand so delicate in mine to wither, weather, simple pleasure wrought with life and time + today was the day yep i proclaim July 21st as official Clara Day blues3clues i'll miss you all 324 days

goddamn mother effing sitdiary erased this entry. well it was about how getting drum major sucks because everyone hates me for it. if people are gonna talk smack it makes it no fun at all to win. so i feel pretty crappy about it actually. thanks guys :) whatever. i was talking to somebody today who said it wasnt at all about favoritism so suck it bitches. and he knows what he's talking about so...idk. haha my first entry was a lot nicer than this one, but oh well. when people take the fun out of really cool stuff, it makes you want to say things like "suck it bitches". so i think i will SUCK IT BITCHESSSSSSSSSSSS 0:) hahaha i'm gonna delete this entry soon, i just know it..heehee i wish every body couldve won somehow or something because then feelings wouldn't be hurt and i wouldn't feel like shit and i wouldn't be saying "suck it bitches." but as the great wise Alice says, So is life. and life is so. it is...trust me. you guys have awesome stuff in store for you so don't let this get you down. everybody can do something awesome and fun even if they don't become a silly little drum major! there's so much cool stuff in band to do so it'll all be cool i promise. and i know you guys are probably grumbling at this entry right now, but i don't know what else to write because i don't know what to say to people when stuff like this happens. SUCK IT BITCHESSSSSSS

he could've wrote this song for me...it seems like something he would want to say. because it could practically be about me standing in the way you know. because i gues i kinda was. and i'm better now. sometimes anyway... why must you say i've made a mess of things i won't believe it tonight feels right like i'm dancing on air i'll make it right i'll make it right pull over to the station to fill up on fuel what will i do? sometimes i drive or ride with my eyes closed tight cause if the skyline looks this way then i don't wanna sleep tonight never give up always seeking light we must always try try with all our might + that song is soo pretty haha that was a self reflective moment... and i changed this diary up a bit today. i made the background a beach in Melbourne, Australia, and i actually put a link in my info. a little crazy, and i may have to change that... but i guess i felt proud because i thought the layout looked pretty again? whatever. lol i need a place for my deep thoughts again, but for now this will do. and for some random mini-poems i've brainstormed over the last few days... (they're all separated by the dotted lines): ------------------------ smiles pressed so heavy against your pretty lips and poetry is beautiful so let me breathe you in ------------------------- and hold your head in your hands once again once again hear it, do you hear it? can't you hear the melody playing 'cross my heart so sing it back sing it back, loud as you can maybe i'll sing too and we'll know, we'll get it right this time -------------------------- and the scar that he left was a little bit deeper they all get deeper with time didn't know how close, closer than most now i'm tracing the spacing he dug in the ground of my mind do i wish you almost near me how much hurt will this one be so turn me blue and wrap me round you i'm ready to love this time ----------------------------- the second one was actually in a different sd entry, so i just reposted..lol i had a few more but their in my little poem booky thing and i'm too lazy to go get them. another one was actually on a tissue in my room, but my mom threw it out :( i think it was pretty good too...oh well lol i think they pretty much sum up what i've been thinking lately. it's getting harder. well no, not much harder than it was at first, but it got easy for awhile. haha i don't think anyone knows what the heck i'm talking about. oh well.... i'm on fire and now i think i'm ready to bust a move check it out i'm rocking steady to the beat in my head it goes oh oh oh... ...i'd rather waste our time together yeah 'cause we can get down ^cool song yeah the musical is going well the cast party should be fun i spose, and i definately still have to pay heathy...heehee yeah so all these cool bands have been hanging out in my mp3 player lately, now since i found the cord...lol northstar, motion city soundtrack, the rocket summer, hot hot heat, weezer, something corporateeeeee, hellogoodbye, deep blue something, etc etc. fun fun fun stufffff under razor wrists lie the gorgeous words that have put him under my skin and i'm alone again and maybe i'll try this time for my friends, tonight is for all of them someday i'll make you mine someday... see northstar is hot...lol

[1] I have eaten more than 5 meals a day. [2] I have read a lot of books. [3] I have been on some sort of varsity team. [] I have run more than 2 miles without stopping. [] I have been to Canada. [4] I have watched cartoons for hours. [5] I have tripped UP the stairs. [6] I have fallen down an entire flight of stairs. [7] I have been snowboarding/skiing. [7] I have played ping pong. [9] I swam in the ocean. [] I have been on a whale watch. [9] I have seen fireworks. [10] I have seen a shooting star. [11]I have seen a meteor shower. [] I have almost drowned. [12] I have been so embarrassed I wanted to disappear. [13] I have listened to one song over & over & over again. [] I have had stitches. [14] I have been on the honor roll. []I have had frostbite. [] I have licked a frozen pole and got stuck there [14] I have stayed up til 2 doing homework/projects. [15] I currently have a job. [16] I have been ice skating. [17] I have been rollerblading. [18] I have fallen flat on my face. [19] I have tripped over my own two feet. [20] I have been in a fist fight. [21] have played videogames for more than 3 hours straight. [22] I have watched the power rangers. [] I do attend Church regularly.but not for service [23] I have played truth or dare. [24] I have already had my 16th birthday. [] I have already had my 17th birthday. [25] I've lost weight since one year ago. [26] I've called someone stupid. And meant it. [27] I've been in a verbal argument. [28] I've cried in school. [] I've played basketball on a team. [29] I've played baseball on a team. [] I've played football on a team. [30] I've played soccer on a team. [] I've done dance on a team. [] I've played softball on a team. [] I've played volleyball on a team. [] I've played tennis on a team. [31] I' ve been on a track team. [32] I've been swimming more than 20 times in my life. [] I've bungee jumped. [33] I've climbed a rock wall. [34] I've lost more than $20. [35] I've called myself an idiot. [36] I've called someone else an idiot. [37] I've cried myself to sleep. [38] I've had (or have) pets. [39] I've owned a Spice Girls cd. [] I've owned a Britney Spears cd. [] I've owned an *NSYNC cd. [40] I've owned a Backstreet Boys cd. [41] I've mooned someone. [42] I've sworn at someone in authority. [43] I've been in the newspaper. [44] I've been on TV. [] I've been to Hawaii. [45] I've eaten sushi. [46] I've been on the other side of a waterfall. [47] I've watched all of the Lord of the Rings movies. [48] I've watched all the Harry Potter movies. [] I've watched all of the Rocky movies. [49] I've watched the 3 stooges. [50] I've watched "Newlyweds" Nick & Jessica. [51] I've watched Looney Tunes. [] I've been stuffed into a locker. [52] I've been called a geek. [] I've studied hard for a test and got a bad grade. [53] I've not studied at all for a test and aced it. [54] I've hugged my mom with the past 24 hrs. [55] I've hugged my dad within the past 24 hours. [] I've met a celebrity/music artist. [56] I've written poetry. [57] I’ve been attracted to someone much older than me. <= hee hee hee [58] I've been tickled till I've cried. [59] I've tickled someone else until they cried. [60] I've had/have siblings. [61] I've been to a rock concert. [62] I've listened to classical music and enjoyed it. [] I've been in a play. [63] I've been picked last in gym class. [] I've been picked first in gym class. [64] I've been picked in that middle-range in gym class. [65] I've cried in front of my friends. [66] I've read a book longer than 1,000 pages. [67] I've played Halo 2. <= uh, I just came back from marathon so this is a pretty gay question [68] I've freaked out over a sports game. [] I've been to Alaska. [] I've been to China. [] I've been to Spain. [] I've been to Europe. [69] I've had a fight with someone on AIM [70] I've had a fight with someone face-to-face. [71] I've had serious conversations on any IM. [72] I've forgiven someone who has done something wrong to me [73] I've been forgiven. [74] I've screamed at a scary movie. [75] I've cried at a chick flick [76] I've watched a lot of action movies. [77] I've screamed at the top of my lungs. [] I've been to a rap concert. [] I've been to a hip hop concert. [78] I've lived in more than 2 houses. [] I've driven on the highway [] I've driven more than 40 miles in a day [] I've been in a car accident [] I've done drugs. [79] I've been homesick. [80] I've thrown up [] I've puked all over someone. [81] I've been horseback riding. [82] I've filled out more than 10 myspace surveys. [83] I've spoken my mind in public. [84] I've proved someone wrong [85] I've been proven wrong by someone. [] I've broken a leg. [] I've broken an arm. [86] I've fallen off a swing. [87] I've swung on a swing for more than 30 mins straight. [88] I've watched Winnie the Pooh movies. [89] I've forgotten my backpack when I've gone to school. [90] I've lost my backpack. [91] I've come close to dying. [] I've seen someone die. [92] I've known someone who has died. [] I've wanted to be an actor/actress at some point. [93] I've done modeling [94] I've forgotten to brush my teeth some mornings. [95] I've taken something/someone for granted. [96] I've realized how good my life is. [97] I've counted my blessings. [98] I've made fun of a classmate. [99] I've been asked out by someone and I said no. [100] I've asked someone on a date and been turned down. [101] I've slapped someone in the face. [102] I've been skateboarding. [103] Ive been backstabbed by someone I thought was a friend. [104] I've lied to someone to their face. [105] I've told a little white lie. [106] I've taken a day off from school just so I don't go insane. [] I've fainted [107] I've had an argument with someone about whether cheerleading is a sport or not. [108] I've pushed someone into a pool. [109] I've been pushed into a pool Now count how many things you checked and repost this, subject being, "I have lived through 101/152 things"

You are Nate! You outscored The Cicco and Vincent on the SATs, and know that you are far superior to most people on the planet. World Domination is a major goal, but maybe you'd rather just go read a book. Which member of the Triad are you? brought to you by Quizilla

..100 THINGS.... 1* First grade teacher's name: Mrs Fariello 2* Last word you said: creepy 3* Last song you sang: She paints me blue 4* Last person you hugged: deanna? 5* Last thing you laughed at?: something nate said probably 6* Last time you said "I'm in love with you"?: probably like a month or two ago 7* Last time you cried?: last night *PRESENT* 9*What color socks are you wearing: plaid and santa! 10* What's under your bed: a scrap book and some sleeping bags 11* What time did you wake up today: 6:30 12* Current taste: cookies and cream candy bar 13* Current hair: how it's always been? 15* Current annoyance: boredom 16* Current longing: to have a purpose in life 17* Current desktop background: a tropical beach 18* Current worry: how am i going to pass chem? 19* Current Hate: being bored 20* Current favorite outfit: jeans & green shirt 21-Favorite CD- Under A Killer Blue Sky, or maybe that mix Matt burned me? 22- Best frined in elementary school- Stef Beekman! and alice 23- Favorite Russian Hockey player- Whatthe Crapinsky Jr. 24- Lucky number- 12 25- Do you like it when they randomly leave questions off of surveys like this- all the time 26*If you could play an instrument, what would it be: gee golly i wish i could play some instruments..not like i can master them all or anything...but i'd have to say bassoon would be fun to start 27* Favorite color(s): blue 28* Do you believe in an afterlife: maybe? 29* How tall are you: 5'5'? 30* Current favorite word/saying: BITCH IMA CUT YOU 31* Favorite book: not the pit book this year 32* Favorite season: i like them all 33* One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: he's a cool kid 34 What would you do if you woke up and found out you were on cocaine- I'd say "damn nigguh pleaz I'm outta coke" *FUTURE* 35* Where do you want to go for college?: uhh..crane? i dunno 36* What is your career going to be like: What ever I find myself doing when its time to have a career. 37* How many kids do you want: i dunno 38. Thing about the future that scares you most throughly: leaving everyone behind *HAVE YOU EVER...* 39* Said "I love you" and meant it: yes 40* Gotten in a fight with your dog/cat/bird/fish: yes all four at the same time 41* Been to New York City? yes 42* Been to Florida: yes 43* Been to California: i wish 44* Been to Hawaii: not yet 45* Been to Mexico: nope 46* Been to China: no 48* Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: yes that happens a lot 52* Do you have a crush on someone: your mother 53* What book are you reading now?: Invisible Man 54* Worst feeling in the world: being completely bored 55* What is the first thing you think when you wake in the morning: damn you ariel, damn you 56* How many rings before you answer: i don't answer bwahahah 57* Future daughter's name: Adelle (or Mitten) 58* Future son's name: Sam (or Lard) 59* Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: not anymore 60* If you could have any job you wanted: saving the environment. yeah that's a fulltime job bitches 61* Wish you were: okay you just got punched in the stomach for saying an incomplete sentence. but other than that, I wish you were here. 62* Future College plans: feggit 63* Piercings? 2 64* Do you do drugs: everyday of my life. I woke up being addicted to coke remember? 65* What kind of Shampoo and Conditioner do you use? Herbal Essences 66* What are you most scared of? losing the people I love 67* What clothes do you sleep in? a tank top and shorts 68* Who is the last person that called you: I think the question is, who is the last person that Skyped me? yep, that'd be Nate 69* Where do you want to get married: on a beach or on a cliff 70* If you could change anything about yourself what would that be: my indeciveness, which causes extreme unhappiness in my life 71* Who do you really hate: a few people 72* Are you timely or always late: always a little late 73* Do you have a job: you betcha! I'm the hottest Fariello's waitress around 74* Do you like being around people: yes 75* Best feeling in the world? running outside barefoot when it's raining 76* Are you for world peace: you better freaking believe it 77* Are you a health freak: i'm fat i don't qualify 78* Do you have a "type" of person you always go after: sort of? 79* Do you want someone you don't have?: yes 80* Are you lonely right now? not at this current exact second in time 81* Ever afraid you'll never get married? not really 82* Do you want to get married: yes If question number 83 were here what would it say? Are you a whore? to which I'd need to answer Yes. *IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU...* 84* Cried: yes 85* Bought Something: yes 86* Gotten Sick: no 87* Sang: yes 88* Said I Love You: yes 89* Wanted To Tell Someone You Liked them:yes 90* Met Someone?: no can't say I have 91* Moved On: no 92* Talked To Someone: yes 93* Had A Serious Talk: probably 94* Missed Someone: yes 95* Hugged Someone: yes 96* Yelled at Someone: yes 97* Dreamed About Someone You Can't Be with: yes 98* Kissed someone: no 99* Have u ever been heartbroken: yes 100* Do you like the way things are with life right now?: not really 101* Did Nate's roommate really jump out the window?: I guess he did

I’m a wanderer for telling my tale and feeling the world with much smaller hands than that of my peers the strings of the sands filed through years of discovery, question know no direction but that of your own regard...

so stupid. I'm sorry im stupid. i really am

many hours ago took off my coat and faced a cold a language that I am familiar with in my mind, I'm striking you dead but your absolutely fabulous diamond eyes shoot your scars and fake a smile well maybe I'll try this time for my friends because tonight is for all of them and someday I'll make you mine someday a billion hours ago choked on the coal stuck in my throat a feeling that I am familiar with under razor wrists lie the gorgeous words that will put him under my skin but I'm alone again Hey Cinderella I'm a viscous admirer A fairy tale liar A fairy tale liar well maybe I'll try this time for my friends because tonight is for all of them and someday I'll make you mine someday

how many snow flakes did it take?

b m a r s h 727: be quiet snappleapple205: no snappleapple205: im sick snappleapple205: of being quiet b m a r s h 727: i mean b m a r s h 727: shut up b m a r s h 727: you dont have enough to offer? snappleapple205: no b m a r s h 727: you just yelled at me for saying somethng like that snappleapple205: i dont have brown hair and brown eyes snappleapple205: im not skinny snappleapple205: im not hot snappleapple205: im not cute snappleapple205: im smart snappleapple205: and im funny snappleapple205: and im talented snappleapple205: but no one snappleapple205: gives a fuck snappleapple205: no one wants talent snappleapple205: or brains snappleapple205: or blue eyes snappleapple205: and blondeish hair b m a r s h 727: psh b m a r s h 727: thats horrible that you say that b m a r s h 727: but b m a r s h 727: high school has degraded to this b m a r s h 727: and no one cares that b m a r s h 727: you have something meaningful b m a r s h 727: they care b m a r s h 727: for unimportant reasons snappleapple205: but snappleapple205: thats how it is ^ and that's how we roll.

everyone has been begging me to write something in here, but it's too superficial to write about my day, who I'm in love with, what's going on in school. That's not what you put in a diary. You put things you really THINK. and I haven't done much of that lately. well, that's not entirely true. I've been thinking about flaws of my personality, humanity, the world as a whole. no one likes to read about flaws, so I just won't write them. sometimes I wish my thoughts didn't jump around all over the place because it makes writing them out really hard. and explaining how I come to conclusions about things is hard as well. then when someone is like, "you say you theorize about stuff, well what do you think about?" and I'm just like uh...I don't really know. even though I DO I just don't know what to say because I can't even remember how I thought of what I did. Rich is right, I really need to write in a real diary. ah secrets secrets. I feel like lately I have so many things on my mind that I can't tell anyone, but then I confide in somebody and it's all good again. I've been talking to people I normally don't talk to lately too. it's sort of cool. hey I guess I did have some stuff to write.. there's so much more but I just can't put it into words on a website, even if sitdiary like just became the cool thing to do. I remember when me, Jen, and Ashleigh started sitdiarys to stalk people. hahahah and now it's popular. we are so cool. haha

today was the coolest snowday ever! that's all i have to say.

ZoSo38tLb: u seem pretty angry...and i stubbled on this on the internet.. Auto response from snappleapple205: >:o ZoSo38tLb: 1. At least 2 people in this world LOVE you so much they would DiE for you. 2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way. 3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you. 4. A SMiLE from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you. 5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep. 6. You mean the world to someone. 7. If not for you, someone may not be living. 8. You are special&unique. 9. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you. 10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it. 11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world. 12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you BELiEVE in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it. 13. Always remember the compliments you received. FORGET about the rude remarks. 14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know. ZoSo38tLb: haha..its really cheesey snappleapple205: stubbled on it huh? Lb: yes...i looked it up on google cause i was about to commit suicide 205: lmao 205: did it help? Lb: yeah..actually 205: how did you plan to kill yourself 205: death by mini-bar? Lb: well...my parents arent home 205: stay on the line 205: you have a lot to live for 205: everyone loves you Lb: haha 205: just dont hang up 205: suicide hotline, please hold 205: :-X Lb: so i was gonna get some booze in me and then take a bath with a toaster : i failed with the wrists so many times 205: lmao 205: DOWN THE HIGHWAY 205: COME ON 205: its not that hard ZoSo38tLb: its hard keepin a straight line when u got a buzz and that friends is why Joe is the funniest kid i know

U MASS WAS AMAZING! i heart george parks 4L hahaha just thought i should tell you. ashley said my diary is boring. i say i dont care. GO GO U GO U MASS GO U MASS haha the minuteman marching band makes me feel decadent. ;D

so tired so tired. i feel i'm like an 85 year old woman who has the black death or something.

reading clara's sd made me more sad than her not being here. it's just a simple reminder that she's living a new life now and she's replaced us. which is alright because that's how it works and in a way i guess i've replaced her. replaced sounds too harsh though. it's just like substitution really. so for now i've got a sarah and a powerpuff and a number one fan and a graceful nate and a bunch of super cool kids. but the clara is still in the india. which is how life goes. exploring that plant was kind of super amazing. in a really scary way... haha

school is boring and puts me in a really pissy mood so i come home and snap at everybody and that gets me no where. i miss manda and matt and sammy and kristin and specially that one kid because i'm a pathetic dork like that. i need to get my ass moving on stuff. i have to start taking oboe again as ms o informed me or else im not going to go anywhere. but the trouble is i dont know where i want to go so, isnt moving pointless? i feel so frustrated with school already. i hate it. this kind of mood can never happen in the summer. it's just that bad.

if june can blur into july, can't we make august blur into september? i don't think summer really has to end. we can make it all come together and seal it up as one big summer. and remember it forever because of the picnics and the bike rides and all the times i ran outside just to go somewhere and found all of you and made it good. we made it right. the kind of summer it's meant to be. to worship the sun and grab the daylight till it burns out, then run around like idiots in the dark. thanks guys, you made it the best. the best ever. love always, to all my summer babes who made it unforgettable forever yours, -kat