..I got the new job, I got to know new friends, I basicaly got a new life. Now i have compleately flipped over and gone so emo its pathetic. I cant even look in the mirror at myself. Now when i have make up on SOMETIMES i think im pretty if i dont look for more than a few seconds, any longer and i start picking out imperfections in myself. DONT message me saying "oh but your so lovely etc" i dont care if you think that (it sounds harsh but i dont) what matters is *I* dont think it. I REALLY need to loose some weight because no matter what anyone says i am overweight and its just a fucking fact. Im not trying to get compliments i NEED to loose weight. I need to get healthy and being thin would make me so much more confident in myself. It doesnt help the fact that i hang out with guys at work...((huh...i just realised im the only fucking girl in the whole team...the other one was late 40's and quit recently)) The guys treat me as one of the guys. So i get to hear them point out every imperfection that girls have. Dont bother telling me "all guys dont think like that". EVERYONE thinks like that. You have all done it, looked at someone and gone "omg look at her/him..." Its simple fact that everyone does it, the fact that i have been bullied all my life for my weight doesnt help at all. People used to slag me off and push me round all the time even after i finished fucking high school! Problem is not only am I a vegitarian, i am adicted to sugar. Sugar has been proven to be as bad as herroin to try and quit and with me, it relly is that bad. I have to cause pain to myself to stop myself going and raiding the cuboards and everything (no i dont cut thats pathetic i mean just a nip or something) Or i have to get out the house. Now because im adicted to sugar anything else that isnt junk food...i can barely put in my mouth. I automaticly hate it and it makes me gag. Im trying to work on this but its done nothing so far. Im GOING to make myself walk for miles every morning when i finish work. I will come home, drop my bag off and go walking up the canal or something. Im thinking of doing the cycling 8 miles every morning...i used to walk it with the school and it would be such a great sense of feeling if i did that every morning. Thats excersise sorted. The biggest hurdle though is going to be eating healhy. NO MORE CHOCOLATE, CRISPS OR ANY JUNK FOOD! none. Zip. This is going to be so hard. It has to be done. I WILL do this.