I havent updated in so very very long! Its quite crazy. Right well...hmm...lets see...there isnt much new really. Mark is moving up in a couple of weeks time. Im quite excited. He knows we are not rushing things though. I do not want everything rushed, he knows we are still appart and not to put pressure on me. I am feeling very very withdrawn just now. I dont really wish to speak to many people and just want to go walking and kind of leave the world behind. Its nice when i do that. Its dads birthday tomorrow. Havent gotten him anything cause he NEVER tells me what he wants and anything i do get him he doesnt like so if he likes anything i will buy it for him. Simple as. Same goes for fathers day. As for the healthy thing its not working, and im really starting to loath my body. So instead of starving myself, which i have to admit i did concider it, i am going to force feed myself good food. Even if i dont like it and even if it makes me sick, im going to continue to do it untill i like it. To my friends whom concider me a friend: In reguards to this topic PLEASE help me with it. If you see me eating junk food i want you to take it off me, no matter what i say and no matter my excuse. Drag me away from the place if you need too. I also need help with excersise, so if anyone is willing to go walking and cycling with me AND to the gym please help. My health is really scaring me. People see me as always happy but 99% of the time im upset or if im out and about with my fake smile on im thinking "i wont be here soon. I will miss all this and yet no matter how hard i try i cant change it" it hurts so much. I hate myself so much. I am trying so hard to change. Change takes money. vitamins healthy food gym moneymoneymoneymoneymoney. Someone save me.