She sat on the bank of the hill looking down on the harbor, her legs and feet were sore from the constant standing position needed in work. Her mind raced in all directions to obtain reasons and answers to the conflicts comsuming her happiness. The cigarette was clenched tightly between her fingers and she inhaled the tension and exhaled with some hovering releife. She willed herself to get up but the fury left her down and discouraged. However despite the fury there was a helplessness inside that would not go unseen, she felt meek at that point and hopeless. In her agonizing return home her brother told her of the $150 golf clubs her father had bought him, this only fed the deepening rage. She had long since reminded him of the fact that there was no food in the house and she had been going days without eating properly. He simply responded with the typical answer of having no money, which was true most of the time. Money was never a common thing in her life. Since her mother had gotton a new boyfriend her father's focus has been around her brother and sister's. Mainly because her mother's new boyfriend had quite some money. What she saw was her father's attempt to compete with the boyfriend. Dissapointment was all too common in her life, more then anyone would ever begin to understand. It stood in the way of the determination and the patience it would take to work for those better days everyone says will happen in time. Most of her friends that she had accumulated over the years vanished before her eyes in their own cliche's and had gone their seperate ways. And her current friends, she was unpleased seeing their true intentions. She felt she was only a rebound to keep one from being lonely and when they were to find a beau she would become a thing of the past. History has a great reputation of repeating itself. Trust just wasn't an option anymore. A plan for the future seemed pointless, there was nothing to work for. Her heart burned deep within her chest of exhaustion and heart-ache, it seemed nothing was ever going to help her through this. She attempted a church, to seek some guidance, despite the controversy with god she belived there had to be something to have faith in and believe in so that she would make it through these troubled times. However all attempts for faith in the past had failed and she was let down to the result of mental damage. The will struggling to thrive within her mind was slowly fading but she continued to carry on each day. However to her, it was all the same. So many emotions strung throughout her nerves, and the lump in her throat ceased to go away. she stared out the window at the bright sun shining, defining the true green of the trees and grass. Lighting up the rows of houses and their occupants carrying on with their day-to-day life. She was locked away in the small computer room, drowning in the tranquility and releife she got from her music. It's not so bad, She thought for a moment. It could be so much worse, I could have no place to live, no friends at all, no family and no job. Those thoughts alone kept her going, and she knew she was strong enough to do it. She belived from her heart that is was easier said then done. And despite her not having it bad she was aware that it wasn't the best and it was challenging for a girl her age with so many complications. She was in constant fear of critsism from those she cared about and also rejection. Tears crept beneath the deep blue eyes that stared lifelessy out the window, when will this end?