The ocean wind struck the beach violently, carrying the sand along with it. The waves crashed upon the white shore and on the rocks further up the beach. I stood in the midst as the rain poured onto my skin. The thunder crashed above followed by thick bolts of lightning that struck the surrounding dunes that soared high into the air. In this moment I was conent, all elements stinging my body as the fridgid water thrashed beneath me. I waded out into the ocean to my waiste until I could fight the cold no longer. I lowered my hand to pick up the thick shards of ice floating around me. As the time slowly passed I could feel my body submit to the harsh temperature. Looking up to see the stars was almost breath taking as the millions of lights lit up the sky accompanied by the dim orange moon that lingered beneath the thick storm clouds. Soon the rain turned to snow and I could fight the cold no more. My knees gave in and I slowly sunk beneath the surface of the water. My body was to the point where I could not feel the burning sensation. My breathing was rapid and hypothermia began to set in. Strans of my hair were layered with ice as the water grew up to my neck. It had to end like this, it was my only way out of this cruel world. Giving up this easy was always frowned upon by the stronger willed people but I had seen enough in my time to call this off. I was too exgausted to fight anymore and I let go of any and all strength. It grew dark, almost as if I had closed my eyes but I felt my body drifting within the current. I felt light-headed for the moment but that slowly died as images popped into my head. I stood with them, happy as ever, we were all together. We had set aside our differences and conflicts, forgiveness was amung everyone's blessings. We sat around the fire reminicing on the old days back when we had just entered high school. I heard yelling in the distance but I wasn't sure if this was a dream or not. Then I saw everyone drift apart slowly, as we had all done after a while. I used the rest of my strength to reach my hand out and whisper for them to come back but it was useless. They were too far gone and I was lost in my world of insanity. I filled my lungs with the ice cold air and screamed as loud as I could. From a distance it would almost have been mistaken as the howling of a wolf for I could feel the sorrow and anguish of my pain from the past and present. This is what it had to come down too because I had nothing left, everyone I had come to know and love had moved far, far away from me, physically and mentally. They had all moved on without me and I was stuck here to dwell on memories of a broken past. I wanted to cry, I wanted to feel this emotion but I was choking and it was impossible to keep my eyes open for more then a moment. I waiting for the end as it slowly approached, the darkness thickened and I saw colors dance around as my eyes closed. My chest stopped expanding and all strength had diminished, I stopped breathing. I felt my head finally submerge underwater and felt my weightless body drift to the bottom of the ocean. I wondered in a calming state of mind what was going to happen to me, what happens when my heart stops and my brain is dead? Would I even know I was dead or would my thought process continue? I started seeming images again, of someones hands reaching beneath the water and grabbing my arms and pulling me to the surface. It was a boy, he shouted in panic and I would read his vibes. He was scared, but he fought all obsticals that got in the way, determination and chaos surrounded his aura as he dragged my body to shore. I watched above as my body was carryed onto the white sands. He put his hands to my throat and then his head to my chest. His responce was more distrought then anything, he was screaming now and pounding the sand. I reached down to him from the sky but the distance was too far. He began to push down on the lifeless body, forcing some kind of preassure to restart the heart. His tears turned to ice as they streamed down his face. "Why?" He screamed in frustration and hopelessness. "Why like this? You are a coward, you are a fucking coward! Damn you all to hell for doing this to me!" I felt again. Something was stinging inside of me but I didn't know what. The world around me started spinning and I was being sucked into the earth, I could no longer see but all I could hear was the cries of agony from the boy. "All you wanted was to be loved," He cried, speaking through the sawbing as his heart felt as if a sword had been struck through it. "And I was too late, I loved you I really did but why would you do this to us? WHy would you just give up?! Damn you, damn you, damn you!" I heard a voice in the distance whispering and suddenly I opened my eyes once more. The rain stung my eyes and dulled my vision but I made out his outline and bright hazel eyes. I forced air into my lungs but my breathing remained shallow. Every inch of my body felt as if it was being consumed by fire. I could feel the warmpth from his arms as I was gather up tightly in them. His sorrow made my heart feel as his did in the time of my death. I could feel tears in my eyes, I didn't want to come back. I wanted to escape this world of pain, betrayel, contemplation, I didn't want to feel anymore, I didn't want to love or be loved anymore, I just wanted to get away. I was tired of repatition, tired of being let down and having to fend for myself even at this age. It was a harsh world and I wasn't strong enough to make it. "I'm so sorry, please don't ever fucking do this to me again, I wont ever let you go I swear, it's going to get better you just needed to give it time, this was not the answer!" He shouted. My eyes met his and he pulled me to his chest wrapping the jacket around me. I felt my body being lifted into the air once more but I also felt his pain weakened by the winter storm and fridgid ocean. He carried me through the thickening snow that danced through the air slowly. I remember hearing the roaring ocean as he struggled to carry my lifeless body to the small cabin just beyond the cove. I struggled to open my eyes and as he saw my responce he set me down for a moment. "Stay awake, you need to stay awake, don't leave me damnit, don't you leave me here like this" I saw the regret, anger, determination and the mourning in his eyes and I took air into my lungs to whisper to him. "I'm so sorry" He wiped his eyes and picked me back up and the journey to live again began on this winter night, hope was barely there but I would find it. -me