No punk, goth or dikes. First of all it's dykes, you self-centered, arrogent, pompous pig. My anger surges for some time as I read an assumed friend's information on MySpace. I don't even know why I let it get to me, knowing how much satisfaction he would get knowing the rise I got out of it. Instead of carrying this on I would smirk. He would never know a real girl. He would often complain and say "I want a girl that will treat me nice, a nice girl". For a supposed intelligent guy, he really isn't that smart. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that half the girls who are beatiful and blonde come with the full package. Girls like that are ment to be locked inside a glass display in a museum, they're only good to look at, you get nothing else. I remember that guys are too pig-headed to see this and sigh once more. I am one-hundred percent certain that Justin is the best thing I have ever found. He likes me because I'm different, because I'm too nice, he likes my small boobs, my short hair, my eyes, he has reassured me that I am beautiful. It was guys like Mike that made me want to die, because I wasn't like everyone else and I didn't plan on trying to be something I wasn't. I've always been different, and finally someone who sees me for who I am. It's a releif to know I have found one of the worlds very very very few nice guys. People frown upon the fact that we are certain we will stay together forever. I know if I ever let that kind of guy go, I'll never find another one like him and I never plan on it. He says: "Are you really ready to put up with me for the rest of your life?" I smile and sigh happily. My heart is dead set on it, and my mind as well. I had never been so sure in my life. All the things that I have regretted, I no longer regret. Life is too short to keep pains from the past, insecurities, previous boyfriends who made my life a living hell. Justin has gone through the same exact thing, which assures me more of him. For this I love him with all of my heart. My eyes shift from my stolen pins to my fingers typing on the keyboard. I was anxious; in constant need to keep myself busy in order to make the time pass. I would draw if the animals in my house would stay still for more than five minutes. The turtles are just as restless in their aquatic habbitat. My mother and her boyfriend watch the electronic box behind me. I hate television, and the only time I watch it is when I want to be educated and enlightened by our truthful and strong media. What a thought. The day the media reports the truth In this point in time I am grateful for life. I don't understand why people are so ashamed of food stamps, when you need help find it, when you can get help take it. When you don't need it anymore then give it to someone else who does. My mom's rambling about being ashamed of being in housing and living off of food stamps. I understand, you would want to be living a better life, in a house where you don't have to pay to wash and dry your cloths, where you can sends your kids outside to play in your backyard. That is the ideal place to raise any child. It was the obtainable thing back in 1960 but now? Good luck. I look at it like the caste system; if you were born poor then you're going to struggle unless you're the miracle child that gets through school with pure ambition and determination and makes it to that ideal living. It all comes down to this. I fucked up. I could tell you so many reasons why I did what I did but it wouldn't help my situation any. I'm a dropout because I wanted to become an adult sooner then I was supposed too. I want to get a job and make money, get an apartment and then when I get everything that I need I'll go back to school and work for what I want. Even if pregnancy gets in my way I will find a way to work through it and make sure I give my child the best life and do the things I want to do. See the things people don't understand about me is that I don't want to party. Drinking and smoking doesn't mean anything to me, that is something that everyone says I'll be missing out on. I could care less to be honest. I've seen more than enough of that life and I'm all set. I don't know if Justin is in the same frame of mind as I am but I am set on my ways. Maybe when I'm older and I'm living it up in the ideal life then I'll sit back and have a few drinks and maybe even go out to a few bars, hasta, not for me. My ranting and raving leaves me content. I am alone as I sit in my livingroom, my bed is really a couch, I have no room, I don't have my own space. This drives me nuts and this is the reasoning for me wanting to get a job and get out of here sooner. I turn down the TV, change the channel to Animal Planet and sit by the phone patiently. Antisipation is a bitch but I sigh happily as I think of my day. I love him.