They say good things come to those who wait. I say that half the time they're right but it depends on what you're waiting for. My sister waits for what I have already, a love that wont die no matter the flaws or the circumstances. I guess that's how it works when you're an adult. My sister's last boyfriend Joe, the one Justin and I visited and drank with in Gorham, hits my sister. That is all that needs to be said. The thing people need to know about my family is despite how much we fight, bicker, argue, and gossip we stand up for eachother. Drugs would play the most important factor in this conflict, something I have struggled to understand my entire life. The very thing that controls the status of their living. I will never let a substance control my life, such as they have. They had for sometime worked up a system that would ciculate the money and happiness. Another thing I realize; you can't buy happiness. I worry so much for my kin but I know they can only help themselves. There is the occasional help I will put in without them knowing; drive to Gorham and smash in windows with an aluminum bat. Rule number one; You fuck with anyone I care about in the mannor of hurting them physically or mentally, you better want to take a step back and realize what you have. Breaking that rule you will risk your car, your home, your relatives and even yourself. It doesn't matter to me. The best part about that is being my size, I appear harmless, small and meek. There is one gene that carries through my family's bloodline that sets us apart from all the rest. We are crazy and we will risk it all for the ones we love and most important, our pride. The wind was fridgid from the second story balcony, my eyes narrowed to make out the old prison just beyond Youth Center. It's dark and dreary figure stood abandoned and decayed, the bricks aged by water and the harsh winters. For a moment I could relate myself to it's tall broken image, sitting back for years and watching the world around you upgrade and change, evolve to higher standards. The world was changing, people lost sight of loyalty and honesty. People I knew were so naive to what was really going on, what directions they were going. I spent so many years trying to protect the people I cared so much about from something that was inevitable, something they would only find out for themselves. I missed Justin, tonight would be the first night, as far back as I can remember, not waking up to him. It was good to take a break from eachother once in a while but we never fought, we never got sick of eachother. He couldn't stand not being next to me for more then six hours and that was something I had always wanted. We both wanted kids, we never discussed when we were going to have them. So our true intentions of having unprotected sex was so we could try and have a baby. I never expected it to actually happen. All my life I had dreamed of giving the unconditional love I never got as a child and giving my child the life I never had. This set my future at this point, it would be a week before I could take the actual test but we already knew this was just closure. This changed everything. I no longer needed to struggle to go out and find a job, I was on it tomorrow and I wasn't going to stop until I was garunteed one. There was no more smoking pot, no more smoking cigarettes, no more drinking until it was over. A sacrafice I was going to have to follow through with for the benifet of my child. I needed to work hard to fullfill my duty as a parent to provide my child with everything they would need, and I would. Determination. I finally got what I had waited for my entire life and I wasn't going to abuse this privledge. It was all comforting, but at the same time unsettling just as much. What would my parents think? I had mentioned this to my sister already. Justin's parents would probably shoot him. I just prayed that this whole thing would work out.