My last entry is the result of being overtired and not stoned. But I do see what I mean by becoming so emotional and not realizing it until afterwards. Self-medicating is not really a good idea but it works and besides I quit smoking and had my last cigarette like thiry minutes ago. I'm doin ok... Yeah. Justin's birthday party was chaotic but I know how he feels, I remember when my house use to be like that when I had people come over and how my mom use to be but, I miss that. I look back at all the boyfriends I've had and I almost want to beat the shit out of myself for being such a panzy. That was not love, what was I thinking? This is a mature relationship. No head games, no lies, no bullshit, no best friends, no deceit. He is perfect for me and I grew to love him, this is not an infatuation. Food sounds really nice right about now, so I can go in the kitchen and have my grandparents harrass me on how dumb I'm about to act.