do you ever feel like you are completely in solitude, even around some of your best friends. maybe its because i feel empty. constantly. i have so much going for me, but its not.....enough i suppose. band, theatre, IB, karate, life, growing, acquiring knowledge. im outgoing, a bit too much, im nice, empathetic, romantic.... how do i show people this. some know it. i still feel like there is not one person that knows all sides of my personality. its just, fragments, scattered all over my friend groups. yes....groups. so many groups i dont have a best friend. i dont have someone i can just be my complete self with. someone that sees me some way, and loves it. and learns more, and accepts that. sure mystery is intruiging, but, you cant hide everything all the time. whats to be afraid of? im not afraid, im just confused. and completely oblivious. no one seems to want to give me hints, into what may become something wonderful. if i find out someone had something for me whom i expected not, that may open my mind. to others. that i didnt see before, but now i can give them a chance because i know. i wish i had a chance i was given one, i supposed i blew it, but not quite, the situation didnt work out. its ok. i need to settle down. calm down, drift down into the soft grass beside a beautiful girl, deep blue eyes and soft brown hair. smooth complexion, as described in one of my poems. i want to feel completed. and it hurts now because im so young, and i know i have forever to find someone, but waiting is tearing. too many what ifs out there, floating in space, drifting in my mind. ugh this wonderful thought is being interrupted. my father. he is unplugging the phone line. joy....i shall return. to complain and give my thoughts.