wow, its a month before my birthday. wierd... i know i havent been on here in 3 months, ironic taht i chose this day....too mcuh stuff has gone on to fill anyone in. it doesnt matter anyway. but i am here because of a very dear friend, and thanks to this person i need to get out a few things, the way they do it. so, here, im going to say things i just cant get up and say to these people. 1. hey, im sorry about yelling at you, though it was yelling. i realize i made a fool of you, and people laughed, and i laughed, and after, i felt bad, its been that way for two months now. i realize you had just broken up wiht your girlfriend before the London trip, and you area senior. life awaits you. im sorry for what i did. i should have respected your feelings. you might not ahve even been phased by it, but i want you to know im sorry, thats all i can really do now, since i dont talk to you at all. i remember my freshman year, thanks for letting me sit at your lunch table, im still insecure about who to sit with. thanks, and im sorry. 2. it makes me sad that i cant talk to you. the only time i do is when you say "can i have a piece of paper" or "hey andy, what did we do in spanish today." now i have 2 classes with you this year, and i cant say anything. i feel threatened by your little group, even when someone im really close with sits there, i feel like i cant be a part of it, because of our past. i wish you knew how i felt. i tried to let you know abou tthis in the fall. i wont try anymore, but i wish you knew this. you said we would still be friends, but i dont know if you really meant it, or it was just blind reassurance through the hard times. it is partly my fault that it got awkward, but you havent done much either. we are both to blame. i wish i could have a good, meaningful conversation like i once had. 3. Today you gave me a valentine and treat bag, and i thank you so much. i dont understand how you can be so nice, when i hardly talk to you anymore and we never do anythign outside of school other than karate. but i admire you, your kind heart, you ability to accept people. to see the kindness within. thank you, i really appriate you. 4. this goes for three people. our friendships are almost gone, but thats life. you guys went on withyour group, and i with mine. sure there is the occaisional outing with one of you, after jazz band sometimes, to chipotle and starbucks. we talk about life and girls, and i really like that. i want to do that more. i just dont have a social life outside of school, and you guys have worked to build one. i really should go to your next concert, i havent been in so long, i feel like im not a fan anymore, cause i know that when i go, i wont know anyone there anymore. i always say, hey we need to hang out, and you guys agree, but i never do anythign about it. so should i , or is it because we are different now. i dont know.. i wish it was back to old times, when we didnt care about school or girls, and life was simple. i just never got into a band, i cant play guitar or drums like you guys, i praise you guys, you seriously dont know how amazing you are. my envy toward you is only surpassed by my obliviousness to my surroundings. i wish we could have fun again like old times. 5. this one is about you, and you know who you are, but i feel like i dont need to write anything, even though i have so much to say. we already connect so well. i appolgize for my actions, after all i am male like you said. i still turn to you for much of my advice. and im here to say thanks, even though i thank you, i want to say it again. i really mean it. you are one of the sisters i never had. im not saying much else because i knw im going to talk to you, and continue that, because we have something wonderful. its all up to me though. and i owe that to someone else too.