mood: uhh, yeah....(that was at the beginning) so yeah, ive been kicking back, observing. seeing what responses ive got from the last entry. i guess i should have said something new for a while, but didnt feel like it. i wanted to see what people had to say, and im glad i got some of those responses. but the one about, taking into consideration about life and why im here and WHO put us here, well see i dont know. i dont have to worry about that yet. thats why im here, to discover that....right....so i dont know who you are who said that, i wish you left your name, then maybe we could have a good conversation about that, because i want everyone's point of view. thats why i like the way i am, being a drifter has really opened my eyes. so now ill recap over whatever i can remember. tomorrow is june. its been about two weeks since last response. well then. hmm, sounds like im writing a novel, but that discussion is for another day. hmm i suppose you are wondering too why i am spacing after every two lines. right.... so graduation: ah great time, played in the band, as boring as it was, cheering for all the bando's after 5 minutes of mindless Pomp and Circumstance was just what i needed. great times. mike, brad, mark, gaddy, prosun, man im going to miss you guys. trumpet love. thanks frank, i never had a year with you but from what i heard, the tradition will always be remembered. especially since rob and i are squad leaders now woooo. push ups for the freshman hehe. but anyway, natalie too. ah im going to miss her, good thing she is only 2 hours away lol. yeah i wont go into that, its not necessary anymore. im just here to explain my thoughts, not complain, well for now that is. ugh i have nothing really more to say about graduation, but im going to miss the bando's and thankfully ill see most of the theatre kids at Nationals. which is in three weeks, im so excited. finally saw mean girls last tuesday with Rob, Andrew, and Brandt. wow lindsay lohan is hot. and, sorry for the maleness coming out but, she has really nice breasts. :) im not a perv though dont get me wrong. hopefully ill become the ladies man in the next two years. well then last thursday we flew into ohio. which is why i havnt had time to write as well. until now that is. we came to see my cousin Hannah's graduation. she is valedictorian, and we are so proud of her. if only i could keep grades like hers. anyway...i saw my cousins, and grandparents too, that was wonderful. its so hard when they live in ohio and i live in AZ. oh well. ive had internet withdrawal until now. and im a little homesick, because right after i get out of school i had to pack up and leave. but im back tomorrow and all will be dull again. ugh im finding it hard to actually say something meaningful these days. i suppose i should talk about the kids i met here in my dads town, who go to his old highschool, but i dunno. they seemed to like me, the fact that im a drifter, and im in practically everything there is. seriously, if there was time, i would do everything, even those things guys arnt supposed to do, like dance, i want to learn how to tango, and waltz like a pro, its really helpful, plus being the romantic i am, i love holding someone close to me and moving gracefully across the floor. yeah ill go into that more another day i dont feel like being the sappy pisces i am. ugh its too much sometimes. anyway. i dont know where i was going. but these kids were cool too, just like you and me, obviously, i already know that, but they were astonished when i said we have over 700 kids in our class, and 2400 at our highschool. since they have about 800 kids total at their highschool. yeah so that was amusing. anyway. its 12 am here, 9 pm in AZ where i wish i was cause now im just plain bored. see, about the comment earlier, ive never been too religious, so i just find it hard to believe sometimes, but i consider myself agnostic. i guess i believe in God, but sometimes i wonder, and i dont practice a religion because there are too many rules, leave the rules to games like baseball, not religion or life. oh well i have no control over that. maybe someday i will be more in touch with God. it seems like my friends who are lead happy lives. but im happy how i am, still observing, always on the outside, its a wonderful life that way. wow i just realized my mood totally changes as i progress with this. i guess i start off a little pissed off, and then im content with myself. its good that i started complimenting myself, i dont have too much self esteem, contrary to the outgoing person i am, i have insecurities as well. im still afraid of going to lunch sometimes, if my friends finish before me, and im left alone. but i guess no one really cares who the hell you are in highschool. i dunno, i still just want to be accepted by everyone. hopefully with band and acting, and me being a nice guy, people will get to know me, and ill have a good place in highschool, known for something. thats my goal, i hope to accomplish it. :) i guess now ill take the time to appologize for anything ive ever done wrong, or any pain ive caused someone. i used to be a smartass, jackass until now. ive been opened up to everything. i havnet really had a life changing experience, no accident or whatever, i guess this is just a part of maturing. im only sixteen. i dont even know why i write in this diary. to make myself feel better? to make people see im normal too? to see if they can help me out and give me support? i suppose all of the above. well, i should just be confident i guess. ill do that. and thanks cause for some reason im happy now. maybe i am bi polar. no, people only belive what you tell them, so im going to stop telling people im bi polar. im an intelligent teenager, not bi polar. :) ah i feel better now. this diary is great.... good bye strange world. in college, no one will care :)