well i finally told him i like him, or use to have a crush on him, anyways. He already knew; I kind of made it obvious on purpose so he'd know. He's glad I told him, but he doesn't feel the same way and blah blah. I had to pretend like it was a crush that I'd gotten over, when really I haven't. I still like him very much. But he's my friend, and he's just not interested. I wish he liked me back, though. It feels nice to be liked sometimes, you know? I'm sure anyone who reads this can relate on some level. Anyways its over. the reality of it is I was hoping for something that was based on a dream, not reality. I thought maybe if I talked to him long enough, he may start to like me too. But the reality of the fact is, that's not how it works. He seems to think he hurt me, and he even admitted ignoring me lately because he doesn't want me to get the wrong impression. Maybe I was blind or something. Well, not really I knew he didn't like me THAT way, but still its nice to think about. So after this chat with him today, I felt relieved, but at the same time really hurt. Not that he did anything. But I put myself in a situation I knew would never work out, and I KNEW he could never like me the way I did him. It's like everything is final, now, you know? I can't change it, obviously, and I won't push anything more, and put our friendship in danger. I really like him, but more than that I respect him. He's taught me so much about myself and others, its amazing really. I never knew so many things; heck I thought I was an expert on relationships. Turns out I was very wrong, and well, yeah... I know I shouldn't complain about it. Nothing's really changed. I just honestly admitted how I felt about him, but it still feels strange. Foreign. I kind of feel the same way when I found out whats-his-face was cheating on me. But w.e that's the past, and soon this will be too. It's stupid, really, because he never even liked me to begin with. I'm talking about this guy (the one the whole entry's been about, not the other loser) But now I got to be self concious of what I say around him. I got to keep my flirty comments to myself, and most of all I got to respect what he said. It wouldn't be fair to him or me to act otherwise. He's an awesome friend, afterall. I wouldn't jeopordize that for anything now, and I never will. I'd even go as far to say he's my best friend. Well I got about 3 best friends, but he's a bit more special to me. He knows everything about me. And he knows how to help me when I need him. I just got to stop thinking about it, and get on with everything; including keeping our relationship intact (the way it is now). Ok, I'm glad I finally wrote that all down. It's kind of been bugging me the whole day, and writing it out helps a lot. Sorry if I bored you, but frankly I don't give a fuck. It's my diary, and if you chose to read it...too bad. night