Why when I start to at least pretend to be happy everything just shoots back to depressing. When I sit here alone I wanted to forget. I wanted to think everynight I go to sleep, or try at least that it was all a bad dream and I'll wake up home again. She had to pull me down with her, If she's depressed so does everyone else have to be? Of course. It sent shocks through my stomach hearing her say that she was depressed. I try everything to make her happy and to smile.. But it fails.. Doesn't she understand how depressed I am? I want smiles, and laughs and all thoes good things in life, I don't want to be sad anymore, I want everyone to smile.. Even if it breaks me down in ten million body pieces, I would do anything to make someone smile. She had to remind me, something I wanted to forget.. It's almost four years now.. can't we just.. move on..? Almost been fours years.. why does it feel like yesterday we were all standing around a grave yard, tears fell, people in black, the rain was falling the air smelled so.. cold.. We would never see her face again, Once she was set into the ground, once everyone moved away.. it would be the end.. As I walked away.. I looked back each step down that mountain.. I hoped that as long as I looked.. nothing would happen.. even if I didn't show the pain.. it was there.. Why does it have to be this month?.. Can't it be the month after.. Why can't the 19th already be over with.. Owari.