All these mixed emotions are driving me insane, I'm not sure how to explain it, I'm over this illness, yet something tells me I'm an emotional reck when I'm alone, I can't think of anything good in my life, come to think of it I can't remember my past at all. Why is that? Did someone drug me when I was not paying attention and I just suddenly can't remember anything? All I remember are the terrible things, nothing good I can ever remember. I've been told nothing but lies, my father has never said he loves me once. What's he afraid of? Rejection? The stepmom is suddenly writing me notes and leaving them under my door when I wake up... Who does she think she is? I don't want notes, I don't want anything from them. All I want is for someone to come up to me and tell me they love me even if I don't say it back, I want someone to w rap their arms around me even if I don't return the hug and hold me close even if I push away. They don't understand how good it feels to just know even if nothings returned to them that they won't stop loving me. I'm tired of being lied to, so fucking sick and tired of it. No one's called me for any jobs I've applyed for, so I'm starting to doubt myself again, feel low and unworthy to this world. I keep thinking to myself, ' Don't worry, give it time, someone will want you to work for them, and just think! once that happens you'll be busy and have your mind on other things...' Sometimes I wonder where I went wrong in life to get where I'm at... Was I so terrible to have it come to this? Owari.