Today wasn't my day. I've been considering the idea of transferring to another school-just not happy much here. I want to be around people who love music and reading, writing, being outdoors, having fun…not just numb the pain and boredom with beer-thats not me and its not who I want to be or whom I want to be around. I would miss some of my friends here terribly, but I feel like I need something else-this could be a passing feeling-though its not that time of the month...or is it? anyways. I just don’t want to be a part of an institution where playing basketball makes you a good person. I may not be the best student and I don’t play sports here like I did in high school, but I feel like I just want to go hiking, sit in a coffee shop and write...or just be around people who have respect for themselves and respect for me. The guys here have made me lose all respect and hope for men...they put their gender to shame...and as a hopeless romantic this doesn’t make me very optimistic to say the least. The jury is still out if I'm happy here or not, but this feeling wouldn't of appeared if I was where I supposed to be...would it? Not so sure. The parents are making this time for me difficult also. My parents are the classic blue-collar workers and I feel like them paying over 30,000 a year for me to be here is wasted if I'm not happy most of the time. I want to be somewhere that I don't have to feel guily for watching a movie on a Friday night because I know my mom is working her 59th hour this week for me to be here. The food here isnt good, the fitness center is over 50 years old, the water has to be put threw a Brita at least twice before u drink it..I just feel like my happy personality is being cynical and depressed...I feel like I have to save myself...and thats one of the worst feeling I've ever had to have. ....quite upset that I would leave friends...people that I've grown to care about so much...people that feel the same way as me, but don't want to risk leaving and not being happy elsewhere...Makes me sad to think that I can't wait for these expensive years to be over so I can work 9-5 and...I just....not sure what to do with my life. When I'm looking forward to working at the mall all summer-I feel like that is an indication that things aren't going so well. I feel like if chicken nuggets for lunch makes my day...that things are wrong... ..not sure what to feel these days. Sorry for the unhappy tone...I'm not trying to be so negative...can't seem to help it these days. Ya know those days where you’re not happy but not upset...those blah days where you just go through the motions? Well, thats been my life the last two months...