things have been happening rather quickly in the past week. I've gone from being friends to intense lovers to friends with Johnny and now I'm stuck at my computer for hours downloading sappy music for the simple fact that I want someone to hold me at night-plain and simple nothing more or less. Its hard to get a preview of what a relationship could be and then have it gone before you could touch it to see if it was real...it wasnt real...and to realize that leaves the wound open for longer. I'll be ok-partly bc I'll make myself say that and bc I won't let myself be upset-but I do miss Johnny and that I'll live with secretly. I've got a lot of school work to do,but I just can't force myself to do it. I've been listening to sad music for hours upon end and all I want to do is get into bed and cry-not cry in the bad way,but the way that makes you feel better bc sometimes you need to cry to see that everything is ok... Maybe I need to be more like myself here, maybe I need to go home for a weekend...maybe I dunno...