Thanks to Stephen Lynch, I sure feel like one. Not much to say folks, except this... If I could be a superhero I would be..awesome man I'd fly around the world fighting crime According to my..awesome plan And if I saw criminals trying to lie Hurting other people and making them cry I'd haul them off to jail in my awesome van Cuz I would be Awesome Man. If I could be a superhero I would be..Drug-Free Boy. Telling the world of the evils of drugs And all of the lives they destroy. Well I'd take all the junkies getting so high With their needles and bongs and their sticks made of Ty As I burned them alive, I would scream with joy Cuz I would be Drug-Free Boy. If I could be a superhero I'd be Immigration Dude I'd send all the foreigners back to their homes For eating up all of our food. And taking our welfare and best jobs to boot Like landscaping, dish-washing and picking our fruit I'd pass a lot of laws to get rid of their brood Cuz I'd be Immigration Dude. If you could be a superhero Would you be..Justice Guy? Making sure people get what they deserve Especially women who lie. Like if a wife left her husband with three kids and no job To run off to fuckin' Hawaii with some doctor named Bob You could skin them and drain them of blood so they die -especially Bob- Cuz you would be Justice Guy. Or you could be more subtle, no I didn't mean to be vague Give her the Mad Cow disease, let him die of the plague As long as they suffer for their terrible plight -especially Bob- Cuz then you would be A superhero like... Me. :) That, my friends, is courtesy of Stephen Lynch, my newest favorite stand-up comic. He plays the gee-tar and sings funny, funny, fuck-ass funny songs. And Varina sucks, because not only does she get to see him live, but Mitch Hedberg too. ON THE SAME NIGHT. Yeah, I know, I'd take a shot in the mouth for those tickets too. -Night.