[Marital Status] In a relationship [Shoe size] 12-13 [Parents still together] yes [Siblings] Four [Pets] 4 kitties FAVORITES [Color] Brown [Number] 2.6263 [Animal] i got nothing [Drinks] Screwdriver [Soda] Dew [Book] Da Vinci Code [Flower] The ones that dont die DO YOU [Color your hair?] yeah [Twirl your hair?] no mohawk cant [Have tattoos?] no [Have Piercings?] No [Cheat on tests/homework?] no school [DRINK/SMOKE?] ALOT [Like roller coasters?] Scared of heights [Wish you could live somewhere else?] Yes Underwater [Want more piercings?] yeah [Like cleaning?] no [Write in cursive or print?] you dont wanna know [Own a web cam?] No [Know how to drive?] Yeah [Own a cell phone?] yes [Ever get off the damn computer?] this is a luxury HAVE U EVER [Been in a fist fight?] All the time [Considered a life of crime?] All of the time [Considered being a hooker?] Jeff Bigolo the Male Gigolo [Lied to someone?] Yes [Been in love?] hopefully i am now [Made out with JUST a friend?] no [Been in lust?] hasn't everyone? [Used someone] yes [Been used?] Yes [Been cheated on?] Yes [Kicked someone in the nuts?] yes [Stolen anything?] yes I won't say here [Held a gun] yes, and shot it CURRENTS [Current clothing] Hoodie and jeans [Current mood] tired havent slept yet [Current taste] stale mouth taste [What you currently smell like] Dirty clothes(I found my pants on the floor... Again) [Current hair] Ummm... Lets say NOT GOOD!!! [Current thing I ought to be doing] sleeping [Current cd in stereo] Lmfao [Last book you read] Harry potter the seventh one [Last movie you saw] Pretty Woman [Last thing you ate] pizza [Last person you talked to on the phone] no one talks to me [Work out every day?] no [Believe there is life on other planets?] no Remember your first love?] Yes [Still love him/her?] ----- [Read the newspaper?] yeah [Have any gay or lesbian friends?] Yeah [Believe in miracles?] no [Wear hats] Yes comfy [Hate yourself?] :( [Have an obsession?] Yes [Collect anything?] Shiny objects [Have a best friend?] yes [Close friends?] tons [Like your handwriting?] no [Care about looks] no LOVE LIFE [First crush] Joanna [First kiss] Jenna [Do you believe in love at first sight?] I did [Do you believe in "the one?"] No [Are you a tease?] yes [Too shy to make the first move?] Yeah outgoing on the outside/shy on the inside ARE U A [Daydreamer] yeah [Bitch/Asshole] Fuck you [sarcastic] When aren't I? [Angel] Only if you want me to be [Devil] im all 6s and 7s [Shy] no [Talkative] yes

I went through my things today and it wasnt hard. I have like one pair of jeans and 4 shirts. one pair of shoes and a coat. I am poor and live in a small one bedroom apartment I work overnights 6 to 6. and I work too much. I wish I could just be a kid again. When nothing i did had consequences. I just want to get fucked up and not care who knows I wanna be at the bar and just drink with my friends. I wish I didnt waste my childhood. fuck this sucks. I owe 8 grand to people that want to just come and break my legs. fuck i want to run away and just curl up with a bottle and die. Fuck this. I miss everything. I hate the shit i got my self into.

Today was a repeat of march three years ago. The only difference was the guy. It was the same "I don't know how I feel about you anymore. I'm just not happy anymore and neither are you. I want you to be happy." But its a lie. Just like it was a lie three years ago. I am happy. This isn't about making me happy. This is about making him happy. I'm boring. I'm emotional. I'm clingy. Whatever. I'm not good enough. And he left me on my bed crying. Just like before. He walked out and he isn't coming back. Before, I always thought he was going to come back. I knew he was, but he didn't. Now, I hope with all my heart that he comes back, but something deep inside tells me that he isn't. I wish I knew how to fix myself. I'd do anything to get him back... Wow been some time since ive been here. im amazed peoplle still write on here. im not amazed tho by people blocking me . oh the shame. well sitdiary ive missed you and im back so fuck you.!

I started playing poker like every night during the week. Ok actually thats a lie. Its tuesday through friday. And i work at the school still but some how this kid who just started is making more then me. wtf? The air force says i have a chance at getting in. Im super excited. I shaved my head. Bought a new car which is awesome and i love it. what else has happened.? Oh sam is mad at me for not going camping but whatever you want to be mad at me for not going on your camping trip whatever dont fucking talk to me. Im at heathers watching her put wax on some weird thing i dont know what the fuck she is doing. Phil is watching baseball of course :(

its not so much succeeding in life, its more about surviving it

Some times i want to run away. Join the army the circus something just get out of here. away from this place and figure out who the fuck i am. Other times i just want to curl up under my bed and hide from the world. just pray that if i close my eyes long enough ill go back to senior year. If i did that i wouldnt be so fucked. I could get good grades maybe get into a good school or at least not drop out of ridge. maybe i would have been happier than i am now. Maybe thats it. Maybe i realized how fucked i truly am and realize that in all certainty i will be fucked up for the rest of my natural life. I have to do this alone. its not right for me to drag someone else thru the mud with me. I refuse to allow myself to be that kind of person. She would have gotten sick of me always with a downer attitude. she would have left me anyway. she is going to marshall in the fall. and yes i know but i dont think thats right.so fuck it. I never meant to hurt her so bad tho. I am sorry. it was not my intention. and what the fuck does brittany know she has only dated one fucking person her entire life. what the fuck? fuck you brittany. "im just trying to help" well know what your not helping at all. I considered the symptoms and quite honestly i think i have manic depression. thats the only conclusion i came to.

What was the last thing you bought? some of normans pizza for dinner... mmmm... pepperoni and bacon What time did you go to sleep last night? 10:30 When's your birthday? June 15th Prefer older BF/GF or younger? older Why do you think relationships fail? cuz of the fact that one person feels inadequate for the other What was the first thing you did when you woke up? are we ever really awake Who was the last person who called you? Nicole If you're being extremely quiet, what does it mean? im sleeping Are you taller than your mom? yeah by some Are you an emotional person? if i lied i'd say no Do you want to get married & have children one day? i want kids but not till im thirty What's the greatest thing that happened to you today? i worked with keir and jackie today. and jackie stabbed me in the back with a set of keys Are you close with your mom? perhaps. i just tell her things that i like hearing her opinion on Are you happy right now? i wish Do you like to cuddle? yes i do Whats your favorite number? 4 What did you eat last? some jerky and a peanut butter sandwich How is the weather right now? its dark Piercings? no but i think im gonna get my lip pierced Are you allergic to anything? Nope What did you do to get your first detention? i didnt Did you talk to anyone on the phone before bed last night? yeah i talked to nicole Do you try to start fights when you're drunk? no im more of a loveable person while under the influence How are you feeling today? alright lil confused but alright How many cousins total do you have? 5? i think Are you a dog or cat person? Cat person for sure Do you know someone in the war? my uncle was until he got hurt Did you get at least eight hours of sleep last night? fuck no What's the longest amount of time you've been on an airplane? trip to california i dont know what that is What time did you wake up this morning 5:45 Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? i just want to be happy. Where do you wish you were right now? florida What items could you not go without during the day? cellphone Last hug? saturday worst mistake but it felt good to fuck again How do you feel about your life right now? imm pretty fucked If you could go back in time and change things, would you? no Do you believe that you are a good girlfriend or boyfriend? jealous a lil bit but ok Have you dated someone older than you? no Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? yeah like a billion chances Are you a forgiving person? yeah i am Are you a jealous person? lil bit What's annoying you right now? stupid kids Have you ever kissed someone on your top 8? huh? Are you moving anytime soon? maybe What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks? starting overnights. thats it What color are your eyes? depends on the day Where is your favorite place to be? alone with a woman. Where is your least favorite place to be? not with her Where do you think you'll be in 10 years? maybe ill be happy

You say lies to me and I believe you You cut me open and pull out my heart You tell me to give it to you So I do You put it in your pocket for save keeping You tell me you like me too Two weeks later You kill it You take it out and stomp on it Then you put it back You put it back in me With a dull blade the first time Then you sew me up You expect me to live Live like nothing ever happened But something did happen I will never forget what happened I will remember Remember when my first love killed me.

so let me tell you about friday. Friday night last week mike came to my house uninvited and told me he would burn my eyes out and then beat my face so badly that i couldnt call for help. and then he got pissed at me on thursday cuz i didnt want to hang out with him. hmmmm... i wander why?... work at the senior high is almost over but i still gotta find another job. and i got 38 hours at cub next week along with the forty im supposed to work at the schools so well see how that goes. and for those of you who know what i am talking about i still dont think i did anything wrong. I think I did the right thing instead of going along with something i was still unsure about.

ok so i still work at cub. and the at the schools so some times ill have to work 14 hour days so yeah... the next point of business is i have been going fishin for long time. and i wanna go to st cloud and i wanna move out in august and i want to have fun at sonshine and i want to go get a tattoo too.

If you want to know how i feel go to youtube... search for Biffy Clyro - Machines then tell me how you think about how i feel

so the oreck vacuum is only 8lbs. its amazing how well it works... any way im on mikes computer and his game is getting fucked up so im gonna get off

indesicion on important life decisions have brought me to where i am. (Fack Life) So if you know how to get here you can join me. If you know how to get out of here you should help me. If you dont know jack shit about what i am talking about you should sit in the corner and cry

so last night i had this dream that i got my lip pierced. and it wasnt one of those fag side piercings it was in the middle... i thought i looked cool maybe ill do that... some day

Ok... so option 1: Move to red wing with sam and bailey. go to school down there. have a kick ass time hanging with them. however they would probably get sick of me. or each other. so we'll see tho... option 2: Stay here but move out. Live by myself. continue going to school. go party and attend crazy wild sex orgies. option 3: Stay here and continue living in the basement. go to school and end up jumping of a bridge because i feel so bad. option 4: Stay here but move out. Drop out of school. Work full time. and be miserable. option 5: move up north. become a hermit. have a gun and kill my food. name my lice after my friends. option 6: move to missouri. live with lacey. basically tell everyone here that i hate them. no that just wont do

So seems like everyone is swimming in shit. trying to keep our heads up above the shit swirling up to our mouthes and nostrils... mmm. feces... so what is happening with me? i feel like a good cry. :) My problem has always been my problem. I wear my heart on my sleeve. everyone can see it. everyone can pull on it. everyone can touch it. and everyone can tear it up. im too damn trusting. too damn forgiving.. i feel like someone or something else is inside of me punching and twisting and making me sick. I feel like i have an empty inside. i dont know what i have done to feel like this. i dont know what i have done to change everyones mind about me... im lost just as lost as anyone else. i am confused. i am scared. i hate not knowing what is gonna happen to me. some people have asked me where i see myself in ten years. and i just sit there. i know where i want to be. but i dont know how that will happen. cuz i dont know where i am right now. i hate this.

so i am updating with you two sitting here. and so just an update for the rest of you out there i dyed my hair purple.. ish... and when i look up into the light i can see how purple it is... and it looks good i am currently single... sorta... so for sure... and i am SO lucky that my hair isnt all dyed and stuff... cuz my hair holds the color

So ok. there is this thing that you can do on the internet called torrenting. AND IT IS AMAZING I can download full albums of music. FoR FRee.. so yeah it illegal but honestly who doesnt illegally download music... or listend to music...

- I am not really friends with phil still - I missed you - I cant believe you are still gone - I did absolutely nothing all break - I started dating Lacey and currently we are making plans to meet - I still miss you - I am kinda upset that i dont know how to speak french anymore - I text you an ass load of texts but after like 2 days your phone deleted them all.... - that makes me sad

So i broke it or whatever you wanna call my relationship with Lacey off. And i kinda feel bad but i know i would have felt worse if i lied to her about megan. So it'll all come out of the wash in the end. And i just know that i am gonna be somebody some day. People will respect me and know my name. You all just wait and see. I am gonna do some thing great. Maybe not good but something great. People will remember my name after I am gone