hello again! i made it into the willmar musical! im so excited to perform. its on november 9-11th at 7pm and then again on the 12th at 1pm. you should go. its going to be amazing!

it has been a super long time since i have written in this diary... this summer i have been pretty busy.. with work and church trips and everything. so i havent had time to be on the computer. when school starts again im pretty postitive that i will be on a lot.. it seems to always go that way. i just got back home from an amazing trip that our church group went on. i think it changed how i look at things...i am now a little closer to God and know me a little more. i made a lot of new friends there-some of the guys....whoa- lol but i think that i have a close relationship with all of them... just as good as my friendships in willmar. while i was there, we went to lake supirior-split rock....had an awesome time. there are a lot ofg other things too but i am nbot going to type everything. ask me about it sometime. i was sad when we had to leave... but it was good..... the following saturday i got to go wake boarding with eric (one of the guys i met) and megan and lane katie at megans cabin on green lake! it was so cool.. i actually got up! i was excited. the next day i was sore, but this time went tubing with them instead..... so my summer has ghone pretty well.... work is still there... kinda boring but it pays...

yes...i got my hair cut and now it is uber short.

there was an accident on 1st street on friday. a close friend got hurt. now she has to go to the cities tomorrow to help her. dont know how to feel anymore...

since when have i told you i was with family when i was with steph? i never lied about anything. and for one... i didnt know that jenna passed until the NEXT day. new day new entries. and also, i dont ever tell anyone much anyways, but if i do its because the talk to me too... you never seem to try and talk to me anymore. AND.,..i never ever expected you to "take everything when im 'mean' or 'neglegant'" ???? what is that all about? im never really mean to anyone much less hurt them. and when yoiu say "a lot of people" you mean who? tell me.. really i would like to know. also i would like to know who left the anonymous comment. and if you leave a comment that isnt for me.. then DONT LEAVE ME A COMMENT... put it somewhere else. and when did i say that no one was my friend.?????

steph fo passing her drivers test with flying colors *AND * doing a wonderfgul job on her PSEO placement test for college... you'll make it, i know it!

im sore from colorgaurd. i cant spin the stupid flag. it makes me mad. but i like everything else....i can do the routine so far. next week is going to be boring though beings as only less than half the people were there today. ugh. yes im so, but im going to practice it again. :)

i guess my day went okay it wasnt the best ever. i had to wake up uber early and i almost didnt make it to colorgaurd practice in time. we only end up practicing for 15 minutes. gay! so then i went to choir make-up #1... 1st block was super long almost never ending didnt want to do anything...2nd block i had a quiz (which i got 15/15, thank you!) and then wrote tons of notes. ugh 3rd block-small engines.. yeah that was boring and fucking micheal kept kicking my chair and other shit.. he made me mad. god idiot! 4th block- got a book. now i have to read more. i hate reading. and i cant keep up with the reading because im slow, and i have to work like all the time. no time for anything anymore after school i went to choir make-up #2. now im caught up in choir. but in band im not/wont be. i cant go to commencement so i will just take the letter grade drop that i will be recieveing if i dont go. im taking a week off from work (which i couldnt even get all of those days off) for the parades for marching band that we have to march in. so im not going to try and get another day off. im just pushing my luck for my job. me and steph went to get her an application for somewhere special and were there for a while. i got $1.10 from the coffee mechine... it was free today, but some tards didnt know that. lol so they put in their 25 cents. and thats how i got it. mhm brought steph home and then i came home. i started watching wedding singer. its okay so far. then i had to bring my sister to confirmation.... gay as aides! stayed at grammas for 45 minutes.. in that time reading 1 paragraph from my book for communications which i need to read to page 28 but im only on page 11, and practiced the only part of our colorgaurd routine that i know.... froze to death.... and then went back to church. went inside to the potty and came back out of the bathroom then just sat there on the front steps for at least 5,6 minutes. while sitting there i watched someone take apart a paintball gun and try to put it back together and finally with some luck he got it... kinda boring. then i drive home i practice colorgaurd for 10 seconds and decide to quit beings as it is now raining. then i come in the house and head for the computer. go figure get on msn and find that aopparently only the losers are on at this time and i dont really feel like talking to them.. no one talkative. so i go to sitdiary. i find out that one of my closer friends now has a boyfriend... she never told me.. it happened on monday. its wednesday. hmmm.. thanks for telling me. whatever i guess. no one tells me anything anymore i feel like i dont know whats going on in anyones life except stephs. she tells me everything. i guess its mutual because i try and tell her everything, too. im thinking that steph is the closest friend that i have. we spend a lot of time together. not that its a bad thing. its good. oh, and i pretty much ate all day.. i feel fat. i should stop eating for a while, but i cant. because every time that i skip a meal or dont eat every couple of hours... my blood sugar drops a lot and i get super shaky. it scars me. a lot. i feel like there is something wrong with me. it happens a lot. almost everyday now...i wish i didnt have to eat so often. but the doctors say that its normal for teenagers like my age to get "shakey" like i do. but i dont know.. its so bad. why does it scare me so much? now im sitting here.. smelling food... im NOT hungry but i have to eat. im listening to hawk nelson. i love that band. i guess i have made up my mind. about hawaii as how im not going to go. the other day my mom told me that if i wanted to go, that i had to come up with the $1,900 by myself because they cant afford it. cant help me this time. it made me feel like we were running out of money or something. i dont know. so i said that i couldnt go. at all. i had to have a reason. isnt that gay? i put that i couldnt because i was saving for france. i am but just not right now. im poor too. i cant afford anything. i dont know how i feel i guess... mixed feelings...about EVERYTHING i think im going to go to bed without eating so i can get to sleep before i get so shakey again. i hate being afraid. its hard to type through tears...

i suck at tetris i think i'll go cut poopoovagina

i feel sick... i dont know why. i was just sick. ugh! i am working on my speech for communications. its gay.. i did it on the benefits of sleeping. its supposed to be 4 min but mones not. its only 3:40 that angers me. so i made a visual aide that is ALMOST pointless. but it takes up time so it is good i think

110th entry. WooHOo but maybe its 111? i lost count

me and joanna.. we went to movie galery to rent a movie or two got to the check out counter and the guy told us we could get 3 more free or something okay we will we got 3 more went to get them and think we will get to leave rather quickly lol no we were laughing b/c he told the people in front of us that they had to pick up their movies tomorrow b/c it was 7 min past closing time... so we started laughing he asked us if there was something on his face and told us that he was self-consious no there wasnt he kept talking, i kept answering, and me and joanna kept laughing.... he was totally hitting on us. i didnt see that untill joanna told me lol he had beautiful blue eyes though... that he did... he was in college (we think) he thought that we were 17. i was like no we are 16. (fool!) his face was so funny. his jaw dropped in disbelief.. lol We left with FIVE movies 10 minutes later

eric placed a lubricated condom on my cars windsheild wipers.

i was sick this morning. and now im not going to work. but i did go to school at 11:30 beings i love small engines and communications! i think jessica t is mad at me. i have no clue as to why. maybe grant is making up something. i dont know. but i need to know if she is mad at me. please tell me jessica. otherwise yes i have had this awful cold thing.. i think its a cold im not sure but thats what is making me sick. hmmmmmmmmmmm it sucks! there is nothing else to write about beings that my life is boring

im sick today. :(

No one knows how i feel right now... i am so stressed out with juggling school, homework, friends, and my job. i have no clue what i should think. do. no i am in a huge fight with friends. its a dumb thing to fight over. i feel like i am two different people. one person at school and one at home. but then i drag my problems homw and into my little space that i call my room. i sit there and think all night. sometimes i cry myself to sleep. would it be different if i wasnt here?

"... jess it started because i told you not to tell anyoen... you tell steph and then shen asks me aobut it... i ask you and you LIED FIRST... then i had to lie to trick you into telling the truth... but you cant HANDLE the truth so you LIED A FEW MORE TIMES..." what the fuck is this allabout? i only lied once and that was when i told you that i didnt tell stepoh. THAT WAS IT!!!!! and lying to me tto trick me into telling the truth...? that is so wrong ... the only other major thing that i have done to you is mess with your heckyes diary. i think i am going to tell lauren what you are telling people. i will bring joanna with me too "oh and who said i wasn't involved in the drama... i am the drama hun... get used to it..." that sounds pretty retarded if you ask me..but oh! i dont know anything do i? your the fucking drama huh? yeah um no i dont think so . because the whole school doesnt revolve around YOU . your not that popular even if you think you are.. its not like that... your far from the only person with problems.

you should hate yourself grant. i hate you for it. and you are going around saying that you arnt involved in any drama or shit and so now you are .. if thats what you want to call it. im thinking that i should tell lauren.. hmmmmmmmm maybe i will

im pretty sure that there is absolutely nothing to do right now. i could read my book but i dont feel like it... i could work on commucnications but i dont feel like it.. i SHOULD do my effing pile of laundry...havent done that for 2weeks and dont really feel like it now.. hm i shall see if i can fix my background.. maybe.. i went to the chiopractor today. was good felt great. work tomorrow. thats gonna suck. not that i dont like it. its just that i dont want to go.

everything from my ct scan came back today. everything was normal. which still doesnt explain my effing headache situation! ugh. so now i dont even know whats wrong. hmmmmm