Some times i want to run away. Join the army the circus something just get out of here. away from this place and figure out who the fuck i am. Other times i just want to curl up under my bed and hide from the world. just pray that if i close my eyes long enough ill go back to senior year. If i did that i wouldnt be so fucked. I could get good grades maybe get into a good school or at least not drop out of ridge. maybe i would have been happier than i am now. Maybe thats it. Maybe i realized how fucked i truly am and realize that in all certainty i will be fucked up for the rest of my natural life. I have to do this alone. its not right for me to drag someone else thru the mud with me. I refuse to allow myself to be that kind of person. She would have gotten sick of me always with a downer attitude. she would have left me anyway. she is going to marshall in the fall. and yes i know but i dont think thats right.so fuck it. I never meant to hurt her so bad tho. I am sorry. it was not my intention. and what the fuck does brittany know she has only dated one fucking person her entire life. what the fuck? fuck you brittany. "im just trying to help" well know what your not helping at all. I considered the symptoms and quite honestly i think i have manic depression. thats the only conclusion i came to.