So yeah, I haven't really been doing much. It's like 2 in the afternoon, and it's raining. I love this weather. Because this way they can't make me go outside. I'm starting to be super pale, i'm all happy, my dad and mom actually commented on it for the first time like, ever, so hmm... lucky ole me. My parents had a barbecue last night so I didn't end up going out or anything. I saw a bunch of people whom I haven't seen for a while. Man, I need to redye my hair. It's getting all ugly.I look like a SKUNK. Herm. NIGHTWISH IS COMING TO MONTREAL! And it's not at L'x, so i'm pretty sure i'm allowed to go. Might as well tell you all the reason i'm not allowed to go to thta shithole of a venue. My second cousin or whatever is in this metal band (and don't get me wrong, hes a really nice guy, he listens to cool music, but he just HAD to tell her.... growl.) and he played there and it's the worst place hes ever played at and "believe me, i've played at some pretty bad places. I stepped on a syringe going to the bathrrom". So, voila, i'm not allowed at L'x, ever, thanks to that, but theyre playing at the Metropolis. I feel... so burdened. So full thati'm empty. But this isn't the first time i've felt this way. Oh, no it isn't. I feel hollow. But I guess so many problems kind of built up, make you feel like this. I'm proud of myself, i've stopped cutting. You know what pisses me off? my sister. She isn't really my sister, she's my cousin, but consider her like a sister. She snoops through all my shit, tells everyone things that I confided in her, signs up for sites that i'm signed up to just so she can spy on me, I wouldn't be suprised if she has a SitDiary just to spite me. She's 12 years old man, and she's too busy in my life to have her own. I want to punch her in the face.If she keeps doing this, I don't give a fruck that i'm 14, i'm SO GONE. My parents, i'd understand. Their worried about me and they dont believe a word that leaves my mouth but i've been trying my best to be honest and I haven't lied to them in a while, but they think I have, so they don't believe me. I guess I can't blame them, I totally ruined anything we ever had. But my sister, grrrr, holy fuck, I'm ready to like beat her. I can't even look her in the face. She's such an obnoxious little bitch.You think you can trusther, and then she turns around and jabbers on like nobody's business. You think at least your family would be trustable... no, not mine. Well, my parents obveously to a certain extent. But the kid blackmails me. I understand sibling rivalry, but when its about my friends drug addictions and the fact that their selling sbstances to support shit, and my friends pregnancy, and another friends suicide that i've had enough trouble dealing with on my own... and she goes out of her way to perturb whatever progress i've made... If she was my age, i wouldn't be her friend. I'd probably laugh at her, or cry because of her, and the fact that i'm a delicate emo bitch. Even my best friend doesn't understand that! She came with me to therapy on Friday,and my therapist tried to explain to her that she amde me feel like shit, and it did nothing, because the second we were out of there... well maybe not the second but a bit after... she was yelling at me again, because of stupid things. It's like whatshe said went in one ear and out the other. I understand that I may be a burden to people but goff, I Love you, just love me and accept me for the bitch of a corpse I am. Don't make me feel worse without good reason at least. But I guess that's the difference, she doesnt understand the barriers thatchange me from a happy child to a pile of mush. I'm going to go. sorry it's so long. But theres so much more going through my headright now.