Each day brings a new pornographic encounter- mentally your fucked and physically you ache to be touched. And today was the fuck of a lifetime. And how I wish I meant that literally. My darling is leaving me, in body now, and I feel like i'm going to die. The searing pain is becoming corosive and I feel like i'm going to start bleeding through my eyeballs and all the other cuts i've made because i've been hurt. I've been so destructive recently, and i fucking hate it. Not only have I been cutting again (each one dedicate to it's sole heiress) but i've been burning and it hurts SO MUCH that my pelvis is like scarred. I'm serious ... I couldnt walk properly for a few days and though I told Emilie and Maria and Suzanne... I hope it leaves a mark, so I'll have it one day to look at and be ashamed of.I'm quite the one for shame. I don't think i've ever done anything right. Ever. If I could just erase my existance completley, everyone would be happier. Maria wouldn't be suspended. Noone would have anything to complain about. I wish I hadn't been born. To make a long story short, I am a stupidface. And if I never write in this diary ever ever again, it's only because i'm 6 feet under, the only place i'd like to be right now, exept for in Marias arms, safe, secure, knowing that somethings a sure thing. Which just will never be possible. Kill me now, before I get to myself. Blood or poison?