ok this is a lil update on things...well everything was great for a lil while but i guess i just have bad luck or sumthing cause on friday i found out troy cheated on me witch was way not wat i thourt he would eva do..cause he no how much it hurt me when dean did it...anywayz i went n saw him yeserday n it was kinda fuked up at first cause i didnt no wat to say n well yer im glad chantel n bak too cause she was there..love ya hun! jess was there as well but yer anywayz after like 1hour he asked for a hug so i gave him a hug n it felt really well i dont no like nutten was there like it didnt mean anything and it used to mean so much to me even he said that when he called me last night...anywayz we are still; going out cause i no that he would never do it again, i mean he had done everything wiv me till then cause wehn we started going out he had never even kissed anyone,well thats wat he told me..but i dont no...i still love him so much n like i no i dont trust him right now n i wont for a lil while but i can get over this if he is willing to give it a go...i no he does cause we taked about starting over,so today is monday n we have been going out for 4 weeks.. i need to talk to him 2night n get sum stuff sorted out i was thinking 2day i dont really no where i stand anymore wiv all this n i had this felling like i miss him so much n i dont really no y cause its not like he is anywhere hes right here just i feel like if we dont go out i am going to loss my best friend,cause he said it is hard for him to like be the same way n do the same things as we used to n yer i get that but i dont want to loss him cause i think this could be a really gud thing..that we have/had???? thats the thing i guess i will wait n see wat he says/thinks... i love the way u look at me even thou i tell u not to, and the smile on ur face when u do, i love it when u call me just to say "i love you", the way u put ur hand around me the way u hold my hand the way u talk about us getting a house..lol n how we wil have to by home brand food:) i love ur eye,n they way u make it hard for me to say no, i love everything about u but i wish i could tell him all of this but im to scared to let you in n feel the things i feel even thou sumtimes i wish u knew..... well im sitting here thinking about him again n i just thourt of sumthing i no he hurt me but i think it would kill me if he left me......... i think i have found the one person that i can truely say i love just wish he knew how much he means to me,he is like my everything n anything to me...ok i sound like some kinda of love sick puppy..lol..hehehe but hey wat can ya do... oh yer i think i had better talk to tazz n say sorry..i kinda had a go at him on friday for sticking up for troy...lol..im sorry n thankz for beening a gud friend u to shane..loves ya heapz anywayz i did say this was gonna be a lil update but oh well,love ya alwayz amber xox love ya troy