I'm surprised that the only one who noticed something was wrong with me today was jacob... When he asked if I was depressed I had to fight back the tears and say 'nope' then sit at the tables and hide my face blinking them back.. How come he knew? Is it because he sits there listening and watching? That he notices and picks up on things everyone else doesn't catch? I don't get it; sometimes I'm fine, and others it's like reliving the worst day of my life... It doesn't seem to matter what I do in these times of depression; it just makes it worse. I wish they would stop, I love being the fun one, and not the quiet one in the corner.. Maybe I'm only the loud fun one, because I feel I need to be her, because I can't stand being the quiet upset one. It's interesting, but also adds to the depressing state, that I can find hidden meanings, like the secret messages or morals, in almost everything. Talking to Jacob made me realise that I always do things because it’s expected of me, or that’s what my parents want me to do, I let people walk all over me because I’m too lazy and nice to say anything otherwise… Just sitting here looking through all my files and deleting old stuff I don't need/want I came across some pictures I took that I never realised I had... And just looking at them made my heart sink. My heart aches too much for him, I wish I could just stop feeling, but I can't, It's not possible! And It sucks, I tell myself it doesn't bother me, because it shouldn't, but I can't help it, it does... I need a distraction, something to keep my mind off things, and make me happy, so that I'm not depressed...