wow this thing is finally working. shall i update wat has gone on in the past 6 months? 1) summer was awesome. wenever i wasnt at home working i was with sheldon. however cuz of this i lost all my friends. 2) dog got put down june 7th because he had a tumor and cancer. he was creamated 3)started school at fleming college. taking general arts and science. its a joke course. so easy and retarded 4) got on the F.A.S.T team for campus (first aid support team) 5)came home for thanksgiving and found out my mom had lung cancer since july. by the time i saw my mom she had already been through radiation and everyhting and was in really bad condition. got mad and couldnt handle it so i took off at 2am and went to sheldons. week and a half later got a call at school from my dad "your mother is in the hospital. get home asap" so i packed my stuff and rushed home. spent 7 hours in the hospital with my mom whom was hooked up to oxggen ivs and other shit. she was asleep the entire time. she opened her eyes and looked at me wen the nurse came in to give her a needle. and seeing the look in her eyes wen she looked at me was terrible. later that night sheldon came down. then 5am the next mornign we get a call from the hospital "shes gotten worse" so my dad left to go there. an hour later he came back "your mother passed away 2minutes before i got there" cried basically all day reading her journals that she had written within 2 of the months she was sick. then the funeral and wake came. longest day ever. burried in her my clothes cuz she didnt have nice dress clothes, put barkley in her arms, and ya. btw. she had lung cancer which was fast approaching, spread to her brain and liver. 6)school has never been the same. not movitated to go anymore. skipping bout 5-8 classes a week. not sleeping at night. 7) got really mad one night that my dad didnt tell me my mom was sick till it was too late. the last time i saw her before she was noticibly sick was the day i moved into school. anyway, i got mad and punched my mirror. didnt end well. 8) sheldons dad and his new gf (whom r living together in there new house) seem to be tryin to split us up. 9) sheldon and mine 1 year is thursday (3 days)

sigh x 43

there are two kinds of love. real. and fake. mine is real :) I love you sheldon ♥

i relaly hate this. i hate the fact that everyone seems to ber out with there b/f or g/f and im stuck at home all alone. its upsetting.

okay well i figured i should update. theres not much to say. my life is just so busy right now, i dotn have time for anythign anymore. im working like 4 or 5 days a week. usually monday - thursday 2-10. so i come home from school at like 12:30ish. then i have an hour where i do as much homework as i can before i get ready for work, then wen i come home at 10, i shower then im normally up till 1am doing watever homework i have left. then i usually go to bed. but i cant sleep. i dont know why. during the week wen i work and crap i jsut cannot sleep. but then the weekend comes aorudn and i sleep forever.however for the last few weekend i've being goin up to see sheldon. so im workign all week then gone all weekend. i have no time for anythign anymore. i cannot remember the last time i hung out with my friends. it just seems so long ago. i miss them, its hard to balance school, work, friends, bf. like it wouldnt be as hard if my bf lived down here and crap, btu he doesnt, so we try to make up for it by talkin all the time, which isnt as much now that im working so much, but still. i dunno, everythign just seems so hectic right now. i cant even imagine wat it'll be liek next month wen i start hockey. i shoudl probably wrap this up cuz of course theres other things i shoudl be doing right now, such as my math homework, calling sheldon, and putting away my clothes. oh ya, im gonna buy a car, im excited :) and im excited for prom weekend + prom, its gonna be awesome. im not excited to graduating though. but i am excited for college in the fall :D

im bored so i decided to write a corny entry on the boy i love so if u dont wanna hear bout this than stop reading. lol I love this boy... and his name is Sheldon Mathew Stone, and i love him with all my heart and soul. i've never met anyone like him before. he makes me so happy. He makes me feel like nothing in the world could possibly go wrong wen he is there by my side. he has seen me at my best, and at my worst. When im at my worst he is there for me. whether it is talking to me, or holding me in his arms and telling me everything is gonna be okay. i have also seen him at his worst as well as his best. seeing him in tears was enough to make me tear slightly. and when im sad, i can see the sadness in his eyes. As you all know sheldon and i have a long distance relationship. but its not that bad. we see eachother as much as we can, and so far its been awesome. because of the love we have for eachother we have made it 3 months so far doing this long distance thing. Of course, not beign able to see eachother for 2 weeks gets hard and we miss eachother terribly. but we talk to eachother every single night for many hours so thats good. and we e-mail eachother through out the day, and talk on the phone whenever we get a chance to. plus we both have webcams so we kinda get to see eachother wen we talk on msn. of course its not the same as seeing eachother in person but still. Anyway, i'll admit normally im a jealous person. and i get paranoid when im in a relationship. but with sheldon its different. even though we are 2 hours away, i dont feel paranoid. i know that he loves me and that he would never do anythign to ruin our relationship. this i know for a fact. and for me to feel this safe and secure in a relationship is suprising. Although at times wen i look at him, i'll admit it, i wonder why he is with me. He is an amazing looking guy, has an aweosme personality, and a sweet muscular body ;). And i look in the mirror and see myself. Not very good looking and on the larger side of life. So it makes me wonder why he is with me. but no matter how much i think of why he is with me, being in his arms just makes that feeling go away. When he holds me in his arms it doesnt even matter to me that he is much better looking than i am and everything, i know that he loves me so much and i love him, and that is the important part. In the past some people have had me give a description of love, as have some of those stupid myspace surveys. anyway, the one thing that i always put was "love is when you dont want to go to sleep becuase reality is better than any dream you could possibly ever have" i used to just write that becuase it sounded neat and true. but i now know that that is definately a way of describing love. when sheldon and i see eachother, we stay up all night. usually we get bout 4 hours of sleep if that. we stay up past 4:00am, holding eachother in our arms and talking. Neither of us want to sleep, we jsut want to spend the time with eachother beign awake. and as tired as we are, we still say "im not tired" when the other person asks if were tired yet. obviously at 4:00am ur bound to be tired, but you ignore it because u dont want to sleep. you just wanna spend time with the one you love. and then when you finally do fall asleep in there arms its not long after that that u wake back up. and falling asleep in there arms and waking up in them is just an amazing feeling. Sheldon is definately my dream boy. He always knows exactly what to say to me to make me feel better. He knows when something is bothering me, even if he cant see my emotions, he can tell my wat i say and how i say it. I feel so comforatable around him. i dont have to act like soemone else. i just act like myself. We joke around with eachother all the time, which i like being able to do in a realtionship. We just like to have fun. And everytime we are together we have fun. Were always smiling and laughing and just enjoying eachothers company. we are so much a like and i love it. of course opposites attract, but it is the simlilar ones that can keep there relationship going. as the days go by, the love we have for eachother grows stronger and stronger. and we miss eachother more and more. i start to miss the sound of his voice, the way he knows what im thiking, the way he holds me in his arms, the way he bugs me :P, the way he looks into my eyes and tells me he loves me, and the way i always catch him staring at me. Now all i can do is just count down the days till i see him again, and of course, keep loving him.

its been a while hasnt it. i think it has. accourding to adam many things have happened so i should update. i was gonna update anyway though. so ya, here i am. i really dont know wat there is to write about anymore though. i bought an ipod nano i heart it. lol. um..if u hang around me you'll knwo that i am in love with sheldon stone. he means so much to me. i went up there on valentines day and came back lastnight, it was awesome. but then again its always awesome wen we are together. so my weekend and stuff was fun. wensday night he had candles on his shelves above his bed lit and we cuddled in bes, it was sweet :). then we left his room for a bit. then wen we went back to it his wall was like on fire. lol. we i went in his room his was like ripping the shelf off his wall cuz it was al burnt then he cut off all the burnt pieces on his wall so there was a big hole in his wall. he was pretty mad and felt like an idiot but he just covered it up and it was fine. so ya we gave eachother our gifts, i got him a teddy bear from build a bear and it was all gangsta. lol. and he got me a teddy and a ring :) another highlite of me week was the other night wen sheldon and i put on, what i guess would be our song, and we danced to it. (the promise by tracy chapman)it was really amazing, i loved it. it reminded me of durin the summer wen i first met him, cuz i met him at a dance wen kayla made me dance with him. lol. so ya im done writing bout that i dont want to bore you all :P lol. as most of u realized i have kinda been staying at home a lot and not really hanging out with anyone. especially within the last 2 or 3 weeks. the main reason for this being is that all night i usually talk to sheldon for many hours, and cuz i dotn see him often we like to spend as much time as possible talking to eachother, but as much as i love him, im begining to miss my friends. so hoepfully i will be hanging out with you guys more now. however, these next 10 days r gonna be hard because sheldon is stayin at his grandmas so i wont be able to talk to him much. but we'll manage, we always do :) im pretty sure he's coming down here on march break and staying with me so yay. so ya anyway, as for school, well im only part time student. i go to school in the mornings and thats all. i do my supervising at lunch then i come home. i was able to become a part time student because of the fact that i had an extra credit from taking night school. i applied to college. i applied to loyalist, st.clair, frleming, georgian and some place in windsor. on febuary first wne most people got notification of early acceptance it was really a let down to realize that everyone was getting accepted and i got nothing. but after the first week in febuary and i got letters from the colleges and e-mails and stuff, they informed me that ealry acceptance for the highly competive programs come out later. for example, flemings come out at the end of the month, and georgian in the middle of march. speaking of georgian, i go there on march 2nd for testing, im nervous. georgian is my second choice so i hope i get in. fleming of course is my first choice, but i dont think im gonna get into that, if i do, then sweet. loyalist is already outa the question cuz u need ur full g and i dont have that. st.clair sent me a bunch of stuff for me to fill in and i sent that back but they also want a full g licence so i dunno. and as for the one in sudbury, well i havent even heard from them yet. lol. well its 1:00 and i have to go do my homework before i go to work for 3:30 so im done for now. i might write more later, im not sure. i'm gonna try and update this more but who knows.

REMINDER!!!!! update this. :)

i figured it was about time for me to update this thing. however, if i were to talk bout all the major things that have happened this past month and shit, it would take me sooo long so im not gonna. so much has happened. so im just gonna do this 2006 thingy ( ) stayed single the whole year. ( ) got your first kiss (x) kissed someone new ( ) made-out for the first time (x) made-out in/on a car (x) kissed in the snow (x) kissed in the rain (x) fell in love (x) fell in love with a fool (x) had your heart broken (x) broke someone else's heart (x HAVE ONE NOW!!) Had/Has a good relationship with someone ( ) questioned your sexual orientation ( ) came out of the closet ( ) gotten pregnant (x lol joking obviously.) gotten someone else pregnant ( ) had an abortion ( ) gotten married ( ) had a divorce ( ) had a gay marriage ( ) kissed someone of the same sex (x) dated someone you'll never forget (x) done something you've regretted ( ) lost your love ( ) lost faith in love (x)kissed under miseltoe (it was during the song meet me under the misletoe! it was so perfect :) lol) WORK/SCHOOL ( ) got a promotion (x) got a pay raise ( ) changed jobs ( ) lost your job ( ) quit your job ( ) dated a co-worker ( ) dated your boss ( ) dated your boss' daughter/son ( ) got fired from your job ( ) got straight A's ( ) met one teacher you really like ( ) met one teacher you really hated ( ) found the subject you love ( ) failed a class (x) cut class (x) skipped school ( ) got into a fight with a classmate (x) did something you were proud of (x) discovered a new talent ( ) gave the teachers a reason to teach (x) proved yourself an idiot (x) embaressed yourself in front of the class ( ) fell in love with a teacher ( ) got a lead in the school play (x) made a varsity team (wats the dif?) made junior varsity team (x) were involved in something you'll never forget (x) got sent to the office OTHER ( ) painted a picture (x) wrote a poem ( ) ran a mile (x) listened to music you couldn't stand (x) double-dipped (x) skinny-dipped (x) went to a sleepover (x) went to camp (x) threw a surprise party (x)laughed till you cried ( ) laughed till you peed in your pants (x) flirted shamelessly ( ) visited a foreign country ( ) visted a foreign state ( ) cooked a disasterous meal (x) lost something important to you (x) got a gift you adore (x) realized something new about urself ( ) went on a diet ( ) tried to gain weight (x) dyed your hair ( ) came close to losing your life (x) someone close to you died... (x) went to a party (x) drank alchohol (x) drank alchohol underage ( ) tried drug(s) (x) got drunk ( ) got arrested ( ) read a great book (x) saw a great movie ( ) saw movie so scary that it made you cry ( ) saw one of your favorite band/artist live (x) saw someone famous in person (x) did something you want to tell everyone

okay well looks like its time for another update. this weekend has kinda been a let down. i was supposed to go up to bancroft and spend the weeekend with Sheldon, but that didnt happen due to the storm they got up there. also cuz i kinda caused 3200 dollars worth of damage to my moms car. but oh well, there always next weekend. or so im hoping anyway. Keiths car blew up today though so he kinda has no way of gettin back to oshawa this week, but sheldons dad is gonna lend Keith the truck to pick me up on friday. Keith probably will, but i dunno. Anyway, i dont really know wat else there is to write. i havetn been sleeping wel lately. like for the past week i havent been able to sleep, like although im relaly tired during the day, wen the night time comes im just wide awake, and i tend to get headaches at night now as well, probably jsut form the lack of sleep but w/e. IU actually slept today though, for bout 10 hours, but i still have a headache. oh well, i'll manage. Today i hung out with adam meaghan amanda and thomas, and seeing adam and meaghan together made me realize how much i wish Sheldon was down here :( i really dont know wats goin on with him and bancroft. Like he said hes moving down here but he doesnt know when. And keith tells me that hes talkin bout moving down here after the new year so im excited for that. But then lastnight his dad told me that Sheldon doesnt like the city, cuz hes too much of a country boy, so i dont know wats goin on. i dotn know if hes moving down here or not. I really hope he is cuz its hard enough not beign able to see him and we just started dating, so down the road it'll just be even worse. But im not gonna bug him bout moving or anything cuz hes going through a rough time now so im not about to make matters worse. And i know its harder on him not beign able to see me than it is for me, cuz he cares about me sooo much. and he likes me sooo much, more than i like him, and i know that. im not saying i dont like him though, so dont take it that way, lol, cuz obviously i liek him :) ¢¾ we have so many small things in common that its kind of creepy. like we have the same fav cereal, colour, and cookie. lol, see just little things, but its the little things that count right :) okay well i think thats it. actually no its not. i have to do a shout out to ADAM HAZE!! because hes sooo cool. lol, ya he told me to do this. he woulda came to my house and murdered me if i didnt :( hes such a mean child :( lmao. anyway, lastnight adam haze asked me to tell him a story that inculded a lawn gnome, a disco ball, and a bottle of orange soda, and this was the story i told: once upon a time there was a little snail whos best friend was a lawn gnome. However, one day the snail decided he needed a new best friend. So he went to dollarama and bought a disco ball. from this day on the snail and the disco ball became best of friends. this made the lawn gnome very jealous, so he decided to get revenge on the disco ball. He went into snail's fridge and grabbed a bottle of orange soda, a disco balls worse enemy, and poured it all over the disco ball while snail wasnt looking. after this, snail investigated what happeend and wen he came to the conclusion that it was the jealous lawn gnome that did it, he took away his pointy hat. This upseted the poor little lawn gnome and he ran away forever and ever. THE END

alright well im sick..not puking sick like some people, such as adam. lol. just cough and stuffy nose. lol, okay well hm..wats new with me? well, i got my g2 a few days ago so now i can drive :) however, yesterday morning i noticed scratches and a crack on the front bumpper. so wen i got home i told my dad, and he said the crack is from him but the scratches arent. so im guessin i did that wen i went to keiths appartment tuesday night, wen i pulled up too far into the parking spot and hit the curb. oh well. my parents dont really care, my dad just told me not to worry bout it, he'll get some stuff to cover it up. so i was glad i wasnt in shit for that. yesterday was midterm marks, wanna know wat i have? okay. lol. i have a 59 in biology, 66 in english, and an 87 in gym. i really gotta bring my bio mark up though. i've been looking through the college books lately and i realized that there are quite a few places that i cannot apply to cuz im not old enough. cuz they want u to be 18, or have ur F licence. which i cannot get till late november the earliest. um..i dont really know wat else there is too say. oh ya, remember the dude i mentioned in my previous entry, sheldon, ya well im dating him now. and a few days ago kayla informed me that wen i went to the dance with her in bancroft during the summer, hes the dude i danced with. i found that quite interesting so i mentioned it to him and he said he knew that all along. lol. so ya. he went back to bancroft for the weekend though :( however im pretty sure wen he comes down sunday he'll be down here for good cuz hes movin in with keith. so ya thats bout it. or all i can think of atleast

alright, well i just wrote an entry bout my saturday, but then i ahd to resign in, but that was okay cuz i coppied my entry, but then i coppied someones e-mail and lost my entry :( so ya, i'll rewrite it. not as good as the first time but oh well. so ya anyway, saturday afternoon i went and hung out with carman, which was fun. it was all rainy though so we just chilled inside, but like i said it was fun. we watched coach carter :). but then some random dude he knows showed up and it was odd cuz the guy was talkin bout how these dudes at the mall were after him or soemthing, and then carman pulled something out of his dressor and gave it to the guy. no idea wat it was though, he wouldnt tell me. so ya he left shortly after and we went bac to watching coach carter. so ya, after that i caught the bus, and wen i got off downtown kayla texted me and said they were still in oshawa (her and keith went to bancroft friday night for the weekend but came down sautrday for a bit) anyway, so they came and picked me up. that was deifnately interesting cuz it was a tiny car. in the front was kayla and keith. in the back was jackie, billy, and sheldon and i was laying across the 3 of em. and then amanda was in the trunk thingy (it wasnt actually a trunk, it was just a small empty space behind the back seat). so ya, it was pretty crampped, which made it fun. but at 2 different times there were cops behind us, so i had to try and stay out of view and as did amanda. so keith drove around untill we lost them, which we did, twice. so anyway, keith dropped me off at my house at like 9, before they headed bac to bancroft. so then round 9;30 i left again and hung out with dave, cuz he was pretty upset. we watched nacho libre. STUPIDEST MOVIE EVER! it was so retarded, but it made us laugh. the best part was wen he sung "i ate some bugs, i ate some grass, i used my hand to wipe my tears" lol. so ya, saturday was koool. aside from the fact i got gorunded cuz apparently i was supposed to be home at 11:30 but i wasnt. that kinda sucked cuz i was hopin to see carman again today, especially considering tomaro (monday) he was supposed to be goin away to mexico for a month, but he decided hes not gonna go :)

all right well, i figured it was about time for an update seeing ass how its been about a month since my last one. Alright so hmm, wats changed since my last entry. well i have a few things to talk about. 1) well for starters jesse and i broke up, but i guess he knew all along that would happen eventually. that was actually almost 2 months ago so w/e. the onyl thing that sucked was that i waited almost 3 months for a relationship that only lasted a month, but oh well, it was worth it i suppose, i dont regret it or anything so its all good. 2)I realized over this month (actually i realized a few weeks ago) that i cannot mix weed and alcohol, it didnt end very well for me, and at one point my friend was in tears becuase she was so scared for me. but atleast now i know right. i cant gaurantee i wont do it again, but i cna promise i wont do it again like i did a few weeks ago, that was just effin insane! 3)basketball season is almost over, we have a few more games and then finals and were done. which means im done forever. it really sucks though, cuz i love basketball so much, and no one knows this, but i actually contimplated coming back an extra semester just so i could play for one more year. it just really bums me out that these are my last few games before im done :( 4)I have realized lately that everyone seems to be coupling off. i actually feel kinda left out. like as much as im enjoying being single, i jsut kinda miss having someone to hold me and care about me. Like 3 different people have told me that i should date dave, but dave and i are just friends, and thats kinda all i wanna be with him, i dunno. i just kinda miss the feeling i got wen i knew that someone was always there for me (aside from my friends) so ya thats about all i can think of right now.

i have realized that i've definately been slacking in writing this thing, but thats alright, cuz basically everyone has. I have established something recently: Im really happy with my life right now, everything seems to be goin good and i just like where everyhting is headed. i've also been really busy lately which is odd. like 4 out 5 days during the week i have basketball, plus ontop of that i have homework, and then seeing friends. so that keeps me pretty occupied. also, i realized earlier while tryin to make plans with someone, that im not gonna have a free weekend till the end of october (unless of course i stay home this weekend) but ya, everythign just seems to be falling into place right now, and a lot of people might not be able to tell, but im just so happy with my life right now. the only thing that could make it better is finding a job, but that'll come eventually, im working on it. lol

i definately had the best weekened ever. i dotn even know where to begin, it was just so amazingly awesome. especially saturday night. :) okay im done

okay well today is the last day of summer break :( which definately sux. i think summer went by really quickly and the sad thing is, i dont really remember half of it.. so ya anyway, school tomaro. thats definately gonna suck. no idea wat classes i have, and no idea wat im gonna wear cuz i forgot the majority of my shirts at my trailer :( so that also sucks.

friday night i went back to my trailer round 11:30pm and i just kinda sat around for 30min waiting for caitlin and kayla to sneak out so we'd all go over and see shawn and britney. but they decided they werent goin to so at midnight i decided to go take my dog for a walk and stop in at justins trailer to see if him and keith were bac from tweed. i dunno if anyone noticed but there was like no moon on friday so it was really really really dark outside. but ya anyway, so i go to cut through 2 empty lots to go the back way to his trailer but i stopped wen i got to the trailer beside his cuz i heard something in the bushes between the 2 trailers. so i just kinda turned and walked away and 2 seconds later wne i turned bac i saw some dude followin me so i just kinda ran bac onto the road and then he was gone. so i went bac to my trailer. after that i didnt really think much of it till the enxt morning wen i was talkin to matt and he said he heard someone by his 4 wheeler that night. ans then kayla and caitlin said they saw the exact same thing around 12:30 wen they walked up to the bathrooms. so they ran bac to there tent but shortly after that they saw the guy around there van and around there tent just watching there tent. untill he just kinda dissapeared and they didnt see him again. so ya that freaked out all of us that night. and then sunday night was an odd night as well. shawn me kayla brittney and justin were all in justins trailer and then justin with kayla to go check in, and britney and shawn left to go check in leavin me alone with matt. which was definately aweful.it started out fine, he was just kinda asking wat i did all day and wat i did in oshawa before i came up. and then he started askin bout jesse and wen we started datin. i kinda knew where he was goin with everything at this point. then he started askin if i was mad at him. and wen i said no he asked y i broke up with him cuz he couldnt understant why. i felt awkward telling him the honest reason i broke up with him so i was just all like "i dunno, it was probably a stupid idea to date anyway cuz of the distance between us." he just responded all sarcastically and said "ya probably" so i jsut kinda left it at that. But then he asked if we could still be friends and i said of course. and then he asked if we could be friends with benifits. i was like "wtf! i have a boyfriend" and he went on bout how he'd never find out and then i jsut kept tellin him im not a cheater and i dont wanna be anything more than friends with him. He got pissed about that but w/e he'll get over it. so ya saturday night was the only normal night i had at my trailer..but i dont recall wat i did saturday night for some reason. probably cuz nothing interesting happened but w/e. so aside from all this my weekend at my trailer was pretty awesome

okay well can u guess wat today is? yes, it is august 16th. and do you know wat that day means? it means that today is my 2 year anniversary with sitdiary. lol i feel so proud!! well kinda. anyway w.e the last few days have been really awesome, but i think lastnight was the best. I saw jesse and he asked me out. so yay, jesse and i are now dating, and that makes me quite happy.

okay well i dotn really know wat to write. camping trip was awesome. last 10 days at my trailer was even more awesome. i'd talk bout it but i dotn feel like it :)

in these past few days i've realized somehting. i've realized that ur not even worth it anymore, so fuck you. i dont want anyhting to do with you. nothing is gonna change, i dont even wanna see your face ever again. so fuck you. no longer will you have anythign to do with me or my life. and honestly, this doesnt bother me one bit! i've cared for so long and now im quitting, i dont even give a fuck if ur hurt by this, i just dont care anymore, and soon enough you'll realize that. on a happier note...CAMPING IN 6 DAYS!!! IM SO PUMPED FOR IT!!! :D :D :D YAY!!