so it's happening all over again, well two things are happening all over again. i fell in love again and it came really fast this time. the last time though i was in so much pain cuz he didnt love me back, but i found somebody who does love me back for being me. he is the best ever, and he is just amazing. the second thing that is happening all over again, is my friends are getting all edgy to me, well only a few are. just because he is there, it's like they think im a totally different person, so they have to act different. i'm not a different person, and they know that, they just want to think i am because they want an excuse behind the bullshit they are trying to pull with me. im sorry if i can see your pulling it, so just stop. i know he's there, but that doesn't change jackshit, you want to talk to me, talk to me,im there. i know this person is talking to this other person about me behind my back, i know it i know it i know it. and it's just complete bullshit. i want you to be my best friends, but dont go talking behind my back just cuz you think you can. seriously though, im sick of having to worry about whose talking behind my back and bullshit, and it's been GREAT for a while, then i get a boyfriend, and it starts all over again. im sorry if im as happy as i have been in THE longest time. Flashback to the beginning of the year til about Marchish, i was fucking depressed all the time. i came home, wrote in my book, and cried, i cried myself to sleep all the time. and not very many people knew that. i came into school all depressed bringing in the drama, that caused a shitload of shit for me and for some other people. if you can't see that i am really happy now, and that i don't want to go back to where i was before, what the fuck!? i've never been this happy before, and a TON of people know that. i'm different, i'm better different, nothing bad has happened and nothing has really changed, im just always in the better mood. but people dont seem to see that. ive been having such a great time and a great couple months lately, and then this fucking shit has to start up again, because it just does. what the fuck? im sick of this, this is just how my high school fucking year started ,and now it's going to end with this fucking bullshit. i dont want this to be like that. ahh god i fucking hated my whole freshman year, and just as it's closing it gets better, then it just starts to get worse again cuz my life is just fucking great. i wish people would realize how much they mean to me, MORE then my fucking boyfriend. its not all about him, and they should know that. i would give my life up for my friends, and all he has is my heart. My friends are my life, and they are why i get up to go to school everyday(even though i have to go). but still, why can't they see or just fucking realize, maybe let it pop in their heads, they mean MORE to me then him..way fucking more. more then fucking anything. god i love them more than i love him, and that's a fact. why can't things ever last?