I hate myself so bloody much.. I want to stab myself in the eye with a pencil I've become so damned dull I want to shoot myself Being around Kaylee.. it bothers me now. All I seem to think is- where the fuck did all my energy go? I drone on and on and move sluggishly through the day Talking to Jax about cutting is.. weird. I don't know.. it's nice to have someone to just talk to about it. Sounds morbid, maybe? Maybe. I can't say anything to Ryan because I don't want him to worry. So I'll just keep it all to myself. Like everything else. Right? Wrong. God, that is so fucked up. Ryan.. he could do so much better and I can't seem to get that through his bloody head. And yet I don't think I've ever been so terrified of losing someone. Good. That makes SENSE. And those awesome stomach pains that nobody can do anything about because their "depression/stress-related"! But God it hurts so fucking much you just want to SHOOT YOURSELF I seem to say that quite a lot "I'm going to shoot myself" And Tilly; "I hate this so much.. it makes me want to slit my wrists and drown". Wow.