Miserable. What a word.. This really hurts. This being absolutely everything.. I wish I had the energy to shoot myself -- Aside from that... my accomplishments for today; mother took me 'n Alex to the mall for prescription stuff. And he bought me "Palm Trees and Power Lines" Gotta love him. I also managed to waste all morning and most of the afternoon lying on the floor. Takes too much effort to do much of anything. Sucks for you. Haven't talked to Ryan. I got the impression ("Can we do something Saturday?" "Totally" "During the day?" "Umm not so much.." "Damn") that he's working tonight. Maybe not. Didn't call him 'cause I had the feeling I might freak out about something stupid on dump on him. Now that I think about it, that really shouldn't have mattered. Laaaaaaacking. Maybe I'll see him tomorrow after work. Maybe this, maybe that. Lynae's party is tonight. I'm supposed to go... Tyler threatened to kill me (isn't that lovely..) but with the drinking and the whole addiction thing I'd rather not. We shall see.. Mel's staying the night, either way. We're going to the hospital and whatnot in a bit. Jordan beat her up something awful.. I want to kill that kid... Think happy thoughts. Push away all the pain. Maybe your life will turn out to be worth something. Maybe you'll find 10 seconds of relief. Maybe this, maybe that. It could work. Pretend to be happy long enough and you won't know anything else. Sounds good to me. End with a slightly happy song. "It's a big mistake/ Fifty days/ Three months away/ I'd be laughing today/ But your voice on the phone gives me no reason/ Don't take from me/ My heart is barely beating/ Don't take from me/ I'm falling down/ All I wanna do/ Is lie in bed with you/ All I really ever need is you/ All I gotta do/ Is give up all I have to be with you/ It's a different day/ Fifteen hundred miles away/ Why would you wanna stay?/ So take a look around/ All I wanna do/ To be close to you/ All I wanna do/ To be next to you/ All I want is you/ To give up all we have to be/ I can't remember why I'm here/ If you'd let me spend my life with you" I feel.. high. Hn. Mood swings much? Not so hot. I've almost finished the 17 songs in my LJ...