Today was different. As usual. Courtney and I didn't talk about last night. Just pretend that nothing happens, and everything's fine. Fighting about Ryan, of course. Don't we always... my God... I can't help but think it wouldn't make much of a differance if he wasn't there or if we weren't going out- she'd still be mad at me because of whatever fucking reason (it depends on where the moon is). Either because I'm "mopey" or something stupid like that. BIOOOOOOLOGY. Yay. Now I'm Moz. It was boring. We watched a half hour video on fossils. You know when you yawn a lot and your eyes water? Yeah. Bored to tears. Moz did some spider mating dance thing that was amusing as fuck and Bear drew me a picture. We had another wonderful conversation: "I fucking hate this class.." "I know. It makes me want to slit my wrists" "Jump off the school...." "Or jump off a 9000 story building and sleep on the way down. Sleep before death is good" "I'll jump into the Grand Canyon!" "Plan!!" Swell. ENGLISH.... what joy. We did a spelling test. That took the entire class. For 20 words. It was horrible. Lunch.. walking to Fairway with Courtney.. not too much fun, there. Things are awkward. Supposedly she never gets to see me, so she should be happy. Unfortunately for her I've yet to stop kissing Ryan whenever I see him. Again, that sucks for her. I don't agree with her whole how I 'shouldn't be constantly be touching him because it's annoying'. Irritation. I'm not about to give him up because she thinks it's annoying. Although I think he's becoming fed up with me. Hmm.. Chem. Some test thing for Travers' University study thinger. Then Shannon, Jackie, Lynae and I talked for the rest of class about sex.. the good and the bad. Bahaha. Funny. Fun. Joy. CAPP. Funnest class today. Tilly, Megan and I were just walking around upstairs. And we had a binder race type thing.. more like who could slide their binder the farthest. I totally won.. save for everything fell out in front of Travers' A block class. That's about all. Ryan's working, so Alex came by after school. We had some weird Tuna thing he bought and it smells like vomit.. but it tastes wonderfully. Mreh. Ryan might come over tomorrow night, though! ..so long as I check that mom and I aren't doing anything. Some hours later... I kicked Alex out of my house. The shithead. I could smack him. Nuh, he's super wonderful stuff. He just asks stupid questions. These are rather lengthy, don't you think? I suppose because nobody reads them anymore. After all, I told everyone I stopped posting here. And I did. For a while. Now I suppose I don't have to put up with any crap about what I blog. Which makes it somewhat easier to.. ..I don't know where this is going. I miss my Sarah McLachlan CD. Fucking Ryan stole it. Actually, that's kind of cute. Simply because she's all.. sappy and whatnot. What a guy. What. A. Guy. I should be studying for Biology, English.. maybe Chemistry. I'm too distracted. Thinking about all the things that could go wrong tomorrow.. how I've begun to pull away from people again. How frustrated everyone is with everything I do or say. I'm so glad tomorrow's Friday. Wish it was Saturday so I could (maybe) get some sleep. Many restless nights where I just lie there and think about stupid shit. Counting down the hours until I have to go to school and lie to everyone. Pretend like everything's okay when in reality it takes all the energy I've got to keep from breaking down. Especially when I'm sitting there with Ryan and I know everything should seem so much better, but it doesn't. Jesus fucking christ I just want one day when I don't feel like absolute shit. Where I don't come back to this stupid computer and write about how I hate everything. Whinge. Can I please die now?