I decided against that mad amount of privacy. I just don't give a fuck anymore. You can be all judgemental and hate me for what I say- I just don't care anymore. Today was the hardest day I've ever had to act my way through. I just wanted to go home, curl up and cry. I don't know where to go from here. It just hurts. This wasn't supposed to happen. 17 songs. One an entry. It seems appropriate to start with the song that really started our friendship.. -- What do I do to ignore them behind me? Do I follow my instincts blindly? Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening? Do I sit here and try to stand it? Or do I try to catch them red-handed? Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness, Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness? Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin I make the right moves but I'm lost within I put on my daily façade but then I just end up getting hurt again By myself I ask why, but in my mind I find I can't rely on myself I can't hold on [To what I want when I'm stretched so thin] It's all too much to take in I can't hold on [To anything watching everything spin] With thoughts of failure sinking in If I turn my back I'm defenseless And to go blindly seems senseless If I hide my pride and let it all go on Then they'll take from me 'till everything is gone If I let them go I'll be outdone But if I try to catch them I'll be outrun If I'm killed by the questions like a cancer Then I'll be buried in the silence of the answer By myself How do you think I've lost so much I'm so afraid/ I'm out of touch How do you expect I will know what to do When all I know/ Is what you tell me to Don't you know I can't tell you how to make it go No matter what I do, how hard I try I can't seem to convince myself why I'm stuck on the outside