I hate alcohol. I don't really get anything from it. Yet here I am writing to you with a bottle of Smirnoff ice by my side psyching myself up for the party tonight. Why do I need to psyche myself up? Because it's my boyfriend's friends 18th birthday, I'm going to be atleast 3 years older than anyone there, I don't know anyone there, and...the biggest factor for my worry...KIM! I've never met this girl, yet she makes me feel more insecure and unworthy than anyone else. Part jealousy/Part illness. I know he used to want her...and I know that they're good friends. She texts him all the time, and when she spoke to him online the other day the first thing she said was ;) The day before he'd seen her at work when we were walking past and the way he said "THATS KIM" like he was creaming himself, made me feel sick. So sick infact that I comfort ate for hours then thought "oh god i'm fat, he's definately gonna want her more"...then I made myself throw it all back up. He doesn't understand that when I say don't 'mention her infront of me' it's not because i'm being mean...it's because it makes me want to starve.