Eve is gone again Back to her palace Back to her island Eve can smile again And run 'round the hedges In the Garden of Eden Run the way you did before the nightmares Run just like before the overkill Run the way you did it's over darling Oh, could I be so gentle Oh, so soft and tender Oh, how could I forget And could I die in my mother's arms Like her... Eve's a child again Sing her a lullaby, read to her every night Eve's in Heaven; plenty of friends are there No one the enemy... Run the way you did before the nightmares Run just like before the overkill Run the way you did it's over darling Oh, could I be so gentle Oh, so soft and tender Oh, how could I forget And could I die in my mother's arms Like her... Like her... Like her... Like her... Run the way you did before the nightmares Like her... Run just like before the overkill Like her... Run the way you did it's over darling Like her... Run the way you did before the nightmares Like her... Run just like before the overkill Like her... Run the way you did it's over darling And could I die in my mother's arms Like her?...

Zack's 13th birthday is today. Began the day by waking up at 5:40 (woo hoo!), but that wasn't so bad because I got up so early to eat breakfast at Denny's with some members of the Drama Club. It was fun. Even better, I don't have practice tonight! Yaaaay, I can smell life! =) Did our play for the first time too. Makeup and hair was interesting. Julie, Kara, and Whitney got my hair so poofy that Mrs. Sussenbach said it looked like it was "on crack" until they toned it down. (What's funny is that my hair's usually flat.) Then for makeup, I used Lara's blue sparkly eyeliner ALONG with heavily applied lipstick/blush and other things to fully give the effect of a 12 year old fashionista in the making, totally lacking in making application experience etc. XD Well, gonna go and enjoy some lazing about. Later! -Britt

Hey all! Yesterday I had a lot of fun doing stuff. First Drama club scenery-making, second choir practice (that ended early - yay!), then Drama scenery again, and finally I went to Garfield's with David for some munchies. And boy, that last part was sure interesting. Amusing enough to tell anybody wondering why in person. Today was awesome in that I lazed about all day, watched 80s movies, and I found out something super awesome - because I've been eating right lately, a pair of old jeans I outgrew fit again! =) Squeeness of joy for Brittany! Tonight, since I've lost their CD at some point in time, I decided to download the ultimate in nostalgic music... HANSON! *dun dun dun* I've only got 3 songs so far, so maybe I'll ask someone if they have a copy of it tomorrow. For now, what I've got is good. ^.^ Poor Zack on the way to school during the mornings. First Phantom, then Japanese pop/rock, then Chinese rap, now Hanson. He's eventually going to go insane, like his sister. XP Well, I think I'm going to dl some of my new goodies onto the Pod/Duchess and go to bed. Ciao, ladies! -Britt

Hey guys! Long time no entry. Last night I decided to redo this thing because, despite that I am still fond of Nicolai, this diary needed a change. I wasn't even thinking of the matter, but then I saw this entry heading picture. I've seen it before of course (heck, KH1 has been out since I was 14), but last night I looked at it a little longer, and it struck me more intensely. Henceforth, this new layout. Hope you'n's like it. I may update later. Cyaz.

Nearly afternoon Wake up, eyes look at the ceiling, Break out, then look everywhere Something's incorrect, it "works" Though discording all the way Living and accepting the system While complaining as if one Overcomes its pull; regardless, Let it take the reigns, and You've went back to sleep You pretend to branch out But hold to your convictions So afraid to let new waves release The soul from the body Neither existing, if one lets go The more concrete, the more transient So why does emotion arise Do I ascend by flying Or fall by running? What do I seek to abandon: Finite fiction, in the round That can be escaped Or infinite pain, loneliness That nests inside and never leaves?... Or perhaps it shall yet, for here Even the immortal are sentenced to death As the mortal who worship. The contradiction makes sense and is senseless As my brain breathes its weaving truth and falsity. What was right seems wrong And wrong seems right, now that I tread On the path that few dare, dreading The loss of finite security Woven in infinite lies. (Is the seeming true?) Why lose ourselves To these ornate gestations Most shameful in that We paint them with our own blood That has failed to serve sincerity since childhood.

Yum, eating some turkey, cheese, and crackers for lunch. It's pretty good. This past break's been nice, just too short. Might do something with Jacob today. Storming outside, not that I really mind. Unfortunately, I'm currently rather bored. Oh, wow. Just remembered something great. Something to do, squee. Ciao y'all. -Britters, the obsessed with Lunar

Hey all. It's almost one in the morning and it's New Year's Eve. One more day until the new year... which is somewhat interesting to me, saying I graduate in 2006. Might be the last entry I make this year, since I'm going to Bon Bon's tomorrow. Also because of that, I'm going to get some sleep because one thing her house won't have in abundance is sleepy time. It'd be nice if I was coherent enough to go to Momma's New Year's Day this year. Because last year or two I wasn't. XD (Nostalgia: Chris, this is the first New Year's I won't be at your house since freshman year! ;_;) Well, sleepy time. Have a nice New Year's Eve/Day, preferably with minimal to no alcohol. (BAD. >.< lol) And MINE will be, don't worry, my beloved smart-eleck comrades. *smirks* Always has been free of that. Squee, Britt

Since I haven't posted since before then, Christmas was good. Good company, good presents, good food. Then Ashley Reel and Meagan Stoldt texted/called me just to say "Merry Christmas." Seriously, of everything, you two made my Christmas. This week's been random in the "I've Had a Lot of Stuff to Do" way. Been hanging out with my home school friends lately, and it's been pretty fun. Not that I'm ditching my other friends: they're fun too. It's just that my home school friends have called me up to do stuff and my South Knox friends haven't. Also hung out with Audrey last night; that was fun. (Dogwood has some kick butt barbeque! ^.^) Tomorrow she and I are going to Evansville, too. Looking forward to that. Today my family and I got the splendid idea (in all of our pathetic boredom) to play with Mom's new camera and the cats at the same time. I don't know how many pictures we took of our beloved furballs trying to capture one, just one, of each cat with their eyes OPEN. (Stupid flash -.-) However, it was extremely amusing. Not to mention Mom fixed spagetti of her own free will afterward. O.O YUM. AND choir cheesebread. Listening to a song I found on an old burnt CD file. It's strange, and that earns a Spree saying that I listen to J-Rock/Pop, Classical, and Broadway regularly. Addicting, too. Reminds me of a... trinity. I think it's from Moulin Rouge, but I'm not sure. I think that I'm going to bed; only reason I haven't is because I'm addicted to the Roxanne song. o.O Have a good one all.

One walks the path Steps with the pulse The crowd roars Selling its soul with applause The one glows Eminating: one can feel The power, the impermanence That gives life yet destroys. What are strength and weakness In the pulse that never rises nor falls What is this vision: Darkness and light What of that beyond sight?...

Hmm, just wrote this poem underneath here. Feels kind of.... good. Don't know how the poem itself is, even though it's not even really a poem now that I think about it.... I don't know. Just need to go to bed now. *yawns* Cyaz. Attest Awareness ever-present Awake, if I can feel it course through These remnants I formerly learned were "me" I wondered why they weren't enough Like a dream that tossed under sickly fever Transform with this flame that transcends fire Kindling, then finally ablaze Eyes burning brightly and seeing Many then one then infinity When conception and boundaries fade Fear first flared, but now As I stop, to face What I've always allowed myself never to know Take in what I ran from and never embraced But always awaited; if only I'd listened Each symphony chord: each spark of mine I will transcend the chains that deem me this shadow. I shall not terry; I shall not wait. Neither exist. The Gates stand open, glowing with Eminence. The shackles shake, now alive Soon to rain into a river: their flow at my feet... When free, I will not look back.

If you don't wanna listen to me bitch (not trying to, but some of you might think I am anyway), don't read. Hey all. 1 hour delay today. Sitting in English class right now, somewhat bored. Found out I got a 97.5 on my research paper.... guess that's alright. *shrugs* School seems to be such a scramble and a blur- "Sound and fury, signifying nothing." But the thing is, here there's really no sound.... just wishy-washy fury. I've felt somewhat out-of-water the past few days. Some things strike me wrong, and I wish I knew things for sure and was able to do something about those things. Without one of those, the other is futile as to making things better. Noticed something lately, lol. People really hit hard on emo kids. Not saying that anyone (another or myself) is emo, nor my opinion on them, but in general non-emo people have been like, "Omg emo SUCKS HARD" lately. And I've mused as to why. Listening to people upset over Mrs. Kim-Rohrer screwing up the senior video background. Not that my own class had informed me we were signing it, which I wasn't too happy about. lol, anyway though, Mrs. Kim-Rohrer needs to stop screwing up things for the choir/senior class. Why is it that one thing can throw someone totally off, when that thing's effects don't even make sense at all? That happened to me lately. There's just too much going on inside this little head.... not saying it's idiotic or intelligent material, but probably a blended mix of the two. It's just so strung out that there's no way to pinpoint anything or remember it until it decides to come up for a little while. All of this stuff being strung out makes me strung out, and it feels like there's no way to help myself from it. Well, that's enough for today. Have to go to math. (-.- Bleck.) Have a good one. -Brit

Something's wrong in the dark room The echo that disrupts every chord Every rhyme, every time I go to think or to write... Concrete seems too hard Blankets not concrete enough Both just like corresponding words All resounding with underlying charge Minds and souls eminating Forces, blending and clashing, Like music, major and minor Striking my essence, not my ears Everyday, the sense intensifies Sweet and sick, intoxicating Devoid of goodness or evil Merely there when I open my door I ponder, in feeling this, Do I awaken or fall further asleep? What provokes this change? My footsteps shortly linger stepless...

Hey everyone. *waves* Got back from the choir trip early..... that was an interesting experience, indeed. If you want to know the whole deal, just ask, because I'm lazy. However, I'm pretty happy that I got to sing the solo I want at the Arts Garden performance; that was super fun. Now I'm just hoping I do well on Monday auditions for the Extravaganza performance, because my competition (Trisha, Jamie Jackson, and Sabra) are all good. For the present, I get chili for dinner tonight. Looking forward to that one, since chili's warm and the past couple days have been somewhat chilly, lol. (Sabe and Trish: Running through Indy in only silky pants, a silky tank top, and 2 inch heels, anyone? *grins*) Right now I'm gonna surf for iPod stuff and pink boots. Hoping that school's closed tomorrow. If we go I'm glad that the Sound Konnection can practice, but I would definitely appreciate sleepy time. Besides that, have an evening fountaining over with grace and quiet splendor. .....That reminded me, in some retardedly "gifted" way, of The Nutcracker. o.O WEIRD. -Brittany (Another note for Sabe, lol: "God gave me SOCKS!!!")

I'm allowed back on school grounds tomorrow. Kind of weird... makes me sound like a bad kid. o.o;; ...lol. Naaaah. This turkey break was pretty good. Thursday, I got to eat a bunch of food. Friday and Saturday I shopped ALL DAY LONG - Friday in Eville and Saturday in Indy. Saturday was the best, because I found my new favorite store: Von Maur. I LOOOOOVE. *.* Yesterday, I ate some food, did some homework (which I have been periodically doing throughout the week anyway), and saw Rent with Jacob. We talked afterward and things are cool between us. Not to mention the movie was freaking awesome. Now I just have to see Harry Potter. Anybody wanna go see it with me? ^.^ Today I worked on choir dancing for 2 1/2 hours, the sad part being that I remember hardly any of it and I really did work. =( After that I thought I needed to work on my chemistry, and I just got that done about 15 minutes ago. (To the loads of chemistry I've had while I've been out - BOO.) Still got math to do, and should do some English tonight, but I think I'll only do the math since I'll have a quiz when I go back. ....Yeah, I've had plenty to keep me busy these few days, lolol. Hopin' to talk with Jess and Deneene tonight. (If things go right and I can come, this weekend'll be great. =P 3 1/2 days til 18, dude!) Think I'm going to end this thing now. Have a great one, and spin some gravel when you leave the driveway. Umm... yeah. *laughs* -Britt

Whoa. Duuuuude. My life and myself have been whacked out lately. Friday, November the 18th was like a mutation in the genetic pool of my days. First on Friday, I skipped the morning because it was our first Senior Skip Day. Guess people got in trouble for that, but I don't know how. I was going to go to Jared Carie's party, hang out, meet Amy at La Fiesta for lunch, and go back to school around 1 o'clock to go to Youth Convention. Then I was going to ride in the Church Van with other seniors for three hours and chill until the Friday night Service. This was the planned gene called Friday. It was going to go like this, yes? Well duh, things generally go somewhat like I plan, give or take a few minor changes on account of randomness. Heck no. This randomness was, "Let's drink, Brittany. You'll get a little buzz and nothing'll happen." Which I did, and which was dumb, but I probably would have been fine. Then I decide to drink more, and that's when things got totally screwed up. Things then escalated from repairably dumb to blaringly stupid. Hillary, Marci, and Juanita drove me to La Fiesta. Amy wasn't there yet. Amy's dad Kevin was there, which was totally random. Thank goodness it was him of all parents though. Ok, so I had to pee, managed to do that myself, and I sat in a chair outside the restroom. Amy got there. The other three girls helped me to Amy's car and drove my car to school. Amy drove to McDonald's and got something for her to eat. (It was lunch time and I couldn't have eaten if I had wanted to - to anybody who knows me, they know something was wrong at this point.) So we drive on the road a little bit, and Amy asked me if I wanted some water. I couldn't drink it. Amy called a few people while driving. Apparently the other three girls had left school by then. I got sick along the way, and Amy stopped. After a couple minutes, I could drink some water. Yay. Then we drove to school. I was unfortunately unconscious for this period of time. Amy thought that if she could just get me ok, onto the van, and toward Indy, things would be alright. Very good of Amy, but I couldn't. This was when things got even crazier. I woke up pulling into school lot. See, I remember Nick Later trying to lift me, but he couldn't. A bunch of my friends come outside, standing in a huddle. Chris and Trisha were there. Staci was talking to me and telling me I couldn't get out of the car. I told her I could with help, and that I just wanted to go to convention. They said I couldn't. I became irritated. So then my brother comes outside with a "WTF?" look on his face. Asked me my address and, even though I said it a little too fast, I knew it with no problem (rather amazing really @.@;;). Said he was going to call Dad, so I totally flipped out on him. Thankfully I couldn't get out of the car by myself or I would have tried to pound him flat. Keyword is tried, but still. He called anyway, and Mrs. Hutchens was outside and said Dad was coming. I was very pissed/sad at this point. Dad came. Eek. I walked to the truck myself because I was so pissed at everybody for calling him. I'll just say that the rest of that afternoon with Mom and Dad was not fun, but I ended up going to Youth Convention with Mark Goodrich and some other kids at 5:30. Youth Convention was ok. People were pretty good to me, but the Convention itself lacked last year's..... luster. I was disappointed. Not to mention feeling blah the whole time. >.< At Friday night devotions, Twila told us a true story about three girls being possessed by demons at camp. I think that freaked some of the girls out because they've never come in contact with anything like that so... closely before. I wasn't extremely bothered, myself, but I think it really scared Sabra =( ; poor girl. Then Meagan kept us up until 2 talking about the world's longest nipple hair... lolol... o.O Even though Convention wasn't very cool except the time with my roommates, at least I met Elizabeth. She was in my room and was absolutely adorable. When a session group she was in asked her what she was thankful for, she said me. I was quite touched. Got home Sunday night and Mom fixed spagetti. Things were still a little tense. Audrey stopped by a little bit and we looked around Facebook. Went to bed around 8:30 because Convention had left me quite bereft of energy. Then I went to school yesterday. Everybody who wasn't at Convention just kind of stared at me like I was an alien.. umm, ok? The great thing was that they weren't even discreet about the staring. I could be rather upset about that, but I'm really not because everyone knew. Actually, if I wasn't so shaken about the school itself, I may have found humour in their uniform gapes that looked like they were all zombies from Resident Evil. I didn't though, because I knew Nolting or Staggs knew and that something was going to go down. Took a test in Thompson's in about 5 minutes (think I did well on it too, surprisingly, due to stress and that I'd learned all the material in the previous 15 minutes) and was told to go see Staggs. Talked to Staggs and, umm, yeah, here I am at home about to eat some lunch. I've got some stuff to do after that. Probably shouldn't be on here anyway, so I'm gonna go. Have a good one. -Britt

Today we had a tornado in the weather area. Well, actually there was more than one, but still. In Monroe there was golf ball sized hail, and they let us out 20 minutes late from school. This development / situation did not and still does not surprise me. And not just because of the weather-based logic. Feel, don't think. lol, yes, I know. I've nothing useful to say this entry. *grins* Thankfully last night's sleep wasn't bad. I'm hoping it will stay that way, at least until after convention. I want that weekend shit-free, not to mention that I'll need all the sleep I can get. Ciao, darling angels. -Britt

What is this place That leaves me with nothing To say; no way Of being with others in true self Immaturity leaves me With no one's trust And no way to deal With knowing so much and so little Imminence to my whole Is seperate from my self Great issues versus Great loneliness Numbness forms Pain; to explain Shows no gain Only streets with stone lain To callous my bare feet That even those dearest ridicule; Their echoes push me away Yet still they do not cease I am exhausted, yet fated to exist Longer still now Too young to be old Too old to be young Who can love the Limbo Detached, so unkind In its eye, so blind That sees, undefined, Too much and too little With which to identify... To tame the monster One must first tame oneself In doing so, realize No monster exists.

Last night I was high on my drug of choice: purses. Spent last night's entirety looking them up on the net, searching for the magical one I want to ask for for Christmas. Today I got up and went dress shopping with Mom. Saw Trisha at Illusions. Tried on a dress I really liked and found out it wasn't even close to fitting (course it was a 12 also, so it wasn't a major shock). Found a possible dress in exchange, though. Then we went a couple other non-dress places. It was fun. Came home, ate, watched a couple TV shows. Somewhat uneventful. Then got online. Found something bad happened at Kaitlin's place this weekend. I'm somewhat upset about that. =( Hope she'll be alright in the long run. Glad Jess is over there with her now. I would be as well, if I could be. Convention next weekend. That ought to be interesting. Confused as to whether Jacob's going or not at this moment. Also, no-sleep-city. Christian-city. Variable-unknown-good-or-bad-experience city. Sophomore year wasn't great. Last year was mostly enjoyable. So I'm hoping this year will be a repeat or amplification of the latter. Speaking of religion, I found someone I know somewhat who's searching what religion is right for them. Not exactly what I'm doing, but it super excites me to find someone that open minded about religion around here. Hoping to get together with them and discuss sometime. Being the supernerd I am, it sounds superfun. =) Well, I am going to go make some dollies. Those things are so cute. Have a blast, baby dolls. See you on the flip side someday. -Brit

Sleep is the only peace From this mountain climb Where the higher I climb The farther and harder I must fall The monster is caged But I identify I am as well And neither of us can escape So many fear hell Running from fire, grasping at purity While really only wanting insurance Of eternal happiness, others come afterward But hell is here And I do not fear; I lament Everything ever created Damned to suffering and death as its dues Love, the illusion One clings to, pretending it will be perfect But it is conflict akin to war Save that love is dishonest Craving pleasures not for themselves But for hallucinations that they eminate And feelings of security While both, unkept promises, shake our foundations The substance that surrounds me Though I know it is unwilling and indifferent Claiming care for a good face I grasp at it, pretending the lies are true Pretending you love me and care for me, too But inside, I know that will never be true...

Parents and I got into an argument again. I never win and I never will. My words are like dirt. Probably not going to have a God damn future... they always hold me down and hold me back. Everyone around here does. I'm always wrong and never have any one to talk to that agrees with me. I guess I'm just always going to be wrong, but it would at least be nice to not be lonely, too. I hate it. I've been working and doing my homework for 12 and a half years for a mediocre future. I wish I'd never done a worksheet. Wish I would have had fun like all the other kids that went out and got trashed every weekend because it wouldn't have cost me a single nonexistant hope or oppurtunity. Not one thing I've done was worth the effort when everything is futile. I honestly wish I'd just goofed off and been a different kind of fucking idiot, because at least that kind of idiot would have been happy.