And every time i try i fall...because...what can i say...he just doesn't love me. i don't care what he says. all i can say is i am 110% sure that it is a lie. when a relationship gets to the point where the guy is saying things like "youre nothing special" and "i use u for sex" and "i'd pick alcohol over you" and is using "oh sorry i was drunk" or "shutup that didn't even happen" as an excuse (by the fucking way i'm not retarded. the little drunken boy cant tell the sober girl and all the witnesses what did and did not happen)...then clearly it's gotten to the point where DESPITE what he says, he doesn't love u. and as angry as he gets at u for writing things like this in your diary,-which is absolutely retarded concidering that a girl SHOULD be able to pour her heart out into her diary without having to feel guilty- he still doesn't love u. a regular person would atleast ATTEMPT to prove that this statement was false. however, knowing matthew gaffney, he will snoop into my diary, read this, then freak out. yes, yes that's my boyfriend. cross out amazing, i guess i'm the retarded one for still thinking that as he drunkenly cries in my brothers room muttering how he loves me right after he picked alcohol over me and told me we were over. yes, yes i MUST be retarded. watch out, here comes another one of his panic attacks from reading this part as he snoops through my diary. HERE HE GOOOOESSS.