let me tell you about last weekend. saturday. surprise 40th birthday party. ri ra. everyone was there. everyone, I was kind of glad I had to pick larry up.. I was glad I had the chance to go in and see everyone out... not at work. It started when I walked it, Q was there.. sitting at the bar eating. So I talked to gretchen for a while, 5 maybe 10 minutes. he was to my right, and I knew he was there but I wasn't going to interrupt my conversation just to say hi. When we were done talking I turned to him and said oh hey! not particularly enthusiastically but like uhh hi whats up you know? so we chatted for a few. but you have to realize anyone that knows me knows that my number 1 love of all time is nick and my number 2 is joe... of course they were there. so I went to say happy birthday to shawn and he was hugging me and blah blah nicky was there and causing trouble as always. so I guess I wasn't particularly hanging off of Q. but it's not like we are dating or anything close so why would I? I wouldn't even do that to someone I was dating.. so for a while i was standing around talking to joe torrin nick Q.. etc just kind of hanging around... then i sort of mingled. but you have to realize.. I am a very friendly person... people are drawn to my personality so in a big group gathering like that I am certainly not standing alone in the corner.. I get.. attention. not in a bad way but people approach me to talk .. stuff like that. So when I finally had a window to leave i bolted. Q was sitting at the bar and there were a bunch of people around him so I just did like a still wave and left. Well when I talked to Q later he wanted me to come over and blah blah so I eventually did, and he was wasted of course because he was at ri ra for 4 or 5 hours drinking. so we were in his room and he said, you know, you could have payed more attention to me tonight. you didn't say bye or anything. i swear i heard grasshoppers. I didn't know what to say of course so I said, sorry? I didn't realize you wanted me to pay more attention to you? I mean I couldnt just outright say, are you kidding me? nicky was there and you think I am going to pay loads of attention to you? nooo way. anyway. so yeah. is that where all this is heading? no good. so he was fine sunday when he came in to work but monday he was acting strange.. like he was avoiding the office. hmm and I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing so I just left it... and we didnt talk until yesterday when he came into work to do something. of course he texted me last night once he was wasted enough.. at like 11.. and asked to hang out tonight. christ. I don't know. I don't want him to get all attached and then for me to shoot him down. that wouldn't be very nice. I don't know.