I dont understand it.... I am lame. No matter what I do it seems like things continue to progress in my mind and heart. I like her.... again/still, I dont know which one it is, I am always suppressing my feelings so who knows. Every time I speak to her, or she speaks to me its as if there is... I dont know. Its weird, undescribable. Romantic? Some would think. ph. Never, it cannot be romantic, its one sided and we both no it. So all I can do is hide and suppress.. While she innocently flirts with me. My Gosh why do I have to like the one girl that I should like. She likes my best friend for heavens sake.... if only he was not such a moron. I want to hurt him. If I am going to give up and hide myself throw myself away for their sakes why cant he just treat her with a little respect, decency, treat her at all. I want to grab him by the collar and yell at him "YOU MORON! I GAVE HER UP FOR YOU! AND ALL YOU CAN EFFINDO IS MAKE OUT WITH HER EVERYONCE IN A WHILE. YOU DONT EVEN GIVE HER A EFFIN SECOND THOUGHT FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. I LISTENED TO HER CRY AND ALL YOU CAN DO FLIPPIN KISS HER EVERYONCE IN A WHILE. CANT YOU GIVE HER FIVE DANG MINUTES!" I would go on and on. I am so pissed off. I shouldnt be, I shouldnt get mad, I shouldnt be like this. But dang.... I want to swear... all these replacement words... they are the real thing in my mind. if you dont treat her like the goddess that she is I might hurt you. You have no idea how much pain it causes her that you dont give her five minutes to talk and listen. And by doing this you have shown me that you do not care what I gave you. Dang you man. Do something even if it is telling her you dont feel that way. Dont take your Effin lust out on her then expect me to pick up the garbage. Ah man I wish I could tell someone... but I cannot, there are too many it would hurt, so I will contiue suffering until things change. Goodbye for now