I don't even want to stop and process what's happened today, I am still a bit hungover, feeling rather nauseous and feeling like a complete and utter shit-head. Phil? FUCK OFF!! Benjie (dog), has turned out to be ubber violent, and I'm the only one he hasn't tried to bite, which I should be glad about, but he seems to go for my little brother a lot, and I hadn't got in the way, he would've bitten him today, I don't know what's up with him... He looks so sad all the time though, I washed, dried, brushed and groomed him today, and he was REALLY happy, but then as soon as people walk past him, he growls... in a really nasty way... Step dad's being a dick.. I don't even wanna talk about it, it made me so angry today I cried and punched the wall, my knuckles are now bruised again, oh-joy. I tried to stay busy, I tried to not focus on everything I've fucked up, and everything that has falled apart straight after it, I did so much shit today I had no time to think, but I can only keep myself busy for so long... Well... Goodbye Thursday! You sucked. Hello Friday, would you care to explain... What the fuck this is all about?? ?Matt says: I just wanna.... lick him which is ODD Murphy -- OMG NARNIA!! says: o_O Woah there Matty!! Anywho... bigger things to think about... Why do I do this to people? Why do I go about things the stupid and complicated way, which I know WON'T work, and I know will hurt people. I do it. Why? Because I wouldn't fucking be me otherwise would I? Good ol' Dakky. Haa. I made a funny. I am seriously starting to question the sanity of one Mr Megson, one Miss Norgate and one Mr Povey. Why did you stick around? When I put up all defences, tried everything I could to push you away, you bounced back, like rubber balls, WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY did you put up with all the stupid little tests and how did you accept the fact that it took ages for me to trust you?? Well, thank you... People always leave. I think I have a weird self-destructive streak, everytime stuff is getting worse, and I have something in my life which is good, I find the need to fuck it up... Why? I don't know. If I didn't, I wouldn't fucking be me, would I? I'm such an idiot, why am I like that? Shit, I stopped to process it all... Knew this was a bad idea... People always leave? Or Ana always drives them away? I fucked up. Yup. I did indeed. But fuck wallowing in self-pity... I'm sorry, I am honestly kicking myself on the head for being such an idiot. But I don't want your sympathy. I know what you said, and yeah, the trust is gone, and there's no way you're going there again, and it's understandable, but I'm sorry for hurting you, and making it seem like I was just another person who didn't want you, I did. I just wanted to be sure that you wanted to stay. You're a closed friggin' book, I honestly couldn't tell. Not the point. It was wrong, and I messed you about. Wish I could take it back, however I cannot. I'm sorry. Nothing I can do now. Dakky Out.