well i am playing hooky from church tonight...i sorta feel a little bad because i just wanted to see the end of 'you've go mail' good good movie...i cried at the end...just as i cried at the end of 'edward scissor hands' last night...its a shame he went unloved and without hands...i only cried because he was so lonely in the begging and then he wasn't and then he had to suffer threw a horrible ordeal and then ended up with the same fate he had been taken away from in the beginning....it is that fate that made the wheels in my head move too much i wound up thinking "at the rate my life is going, and has always gone, what if i am forced to endure that fate." i don't want that! so i cried myself to sleep and i continue to cry every time i see some one lonely and also when they finally get what they need! LOVE! all i hear from my friends is 'when you fall in love it'll be forever' and 'its just that we live in this dimly populated area' 'after school you'll have guys lined up for you' and nathan once said 'where is your list? i thought you had a list of guys waiting for you and even i had signed up! did you throw it away? every one is saying you're so hot!!!' WTF is up with that? i only wish that were true!!! instead of opening the door for some one i day dream of the fantasies i see on tv! i only wish that edward loved me enough to kill for me! where is prince fricken charming and why the hell isn't he pounding on the door of my castle...why are some destined for loneliness and i am one of those few?...why?... anyways...i had to get that out...but this morning in church this woman had a seizure and was picked up by the ambulence...it was sad...i didn't know she was epileptic. and i also found out she has a tumor in her petuitary gland...she is always so happy! even when she is in physical agony! i was crying...i don't know her that well but almost all of her family were in there and you could see the fear on their faces. especially tanya's. i have never seen tanya cry. and it was very sad. she has so much problems within her family and also at school. i hear so many people hate on her just because she's a little dirty. people don't realize that mabe she doesn't have the resources to be like them...or the hatred for people that look/dress/smell different...i feel sorry for her because before i knew her i too had the nerve to say those same mean and terrible things...all of which if i had bothered to talk to her i would see that i was so out of line i should have been put on an island with all of the others with the heart i once had and be shot...or hanged. i am so glad i have changed. i even bought her some nail polish and remover after at a party she had mentioned that she didn't have any...that made me feel so good but that wasn't what i wanted...i just wated her to feel good....i love this change! so thank you tanya....